Geno Part III, The Awakening - Classic Riverbank*

Classic Geno, Continued.

Geno and I went off together hunting this one time. To us, hunting is where we walk through the woods, guns carefully holstered, repeating the phrase "hunt, hunt, hunt, hunt". It doesn't work. But it's fun. And it's easier on the animals.

On this trip I gave Geno a gun to match his personality (extremely dangerous for everyone except him), a .44 Magnum. And then, which in hindsight was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my life, I said "Here Geno, take this stick of dynamite.", as I handed one to him. He pocketed and it was forgotten about. For now.

Off we went, and headed for a strip mine. Soon, we had discovered an old decrepit house. This thing looked like a sneeze could bring it down. From quite a distance.

We were exploring the basement when a rat ran by. Geno draws the big gun with lightning speed and fires, killing the rat. But a .44 Mag's bark is loud. The whole house began shaking. I dove thru a basement window trying to get out before the inevitable collapse, while Geno just stood there, amused by my extreme concern.

The house did not fall. I am sure, had I stayed, the house would have fallen down right around Geno and formed a staircase for him to climb out on with a foundation made of me.

Later that day, we came over a hill and found a fresh strip cut. If you've never seen a fresh one, they are small bodies of water with a top coat of the blackest, nastiest, stinkiest goo you have ever laid eyes on.

We are about two thirds of the way down this hill when I notice, out of the corner of my eye, Geno is lighting that stick of dynamite with his cigar. It seemed like slow motion as he threw it and it arched into the muck while I yelled "NOOOOOO" and started to run back up that hill as fast as I could. Geno just stood there, wondering what I was so excited about. I seem to amuse him quite a bit that way. Well, for one thing I'm not Geno, but I don't think he's getting out of this one.

I'm almost at the top of the hill when I hear a mighty 'BOOOOOOM', and a nasty black wave of goo sails right over Geno's head and nails me front and center. Remember that movie, 'The Creature From The Black Lagoon'? I was now his identical twin.

Geno is saying things like "Wow, whoda thunk" and "That was cool". I was thinking something entirely different. I think you know.

"You shoulda stayed by me bro" he says. I shoulda stayed home. I wanna kick him, but I know I'd get the bad end of that deal too, somehow.

All the way back, me covered in the black goo from hell and Geno looking like he could go to church if he had to (not that he has to, I believe God asks Geno for favors), I'm mumbling things like "unbelievable, impossible, no way, no how, stop being Geno for once".

And so it would continue throughout our lives, Geno being Geno, and me being Mr. Unlucky.

Lots of us have friends like Geno, but most of us have the sense to stay away from them.

Not me.

*This Classic Riverbank originally ran on April 6, 2006.