Unnecessary Inventions

* Makeup That is Tattooed on: You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?
* Colored Elastics For Braces: As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.
* Crayons That Smell: Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.
* Juicers:Carrot-peach-avocado-rhutabaga-pomegranate-yam juice was not meant to be.
* Colored Contact Lenses: Oh, yeah, purple is such a natural eye color.
* Fake Eyelashes: You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.
* The Epilady: Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.
* Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers: Kleenex does not get chilly.
* Heated and/or Padded Toilet Seats: Your not supposed to spend the day there. Comfort should not be a pressing concern. Get in, do your thing, and get out.
* Thong underwear: Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.
* Doggie Sweaters: Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.

Thanks to Melissa at The Mouthpiece