Sweet's Promise
Sweet's Promise
"Lose Weight"
Read these stories before every meal.
I just had to explore gross food stories. Just think, we will all be thin by the holidays.
Sweet,
xxoo hugs and kisses to all.
I found a gnarly rat hair in my bagged-pre-washed salad. Do you think since its prewashed that isn't so gross? I mean, that makes it a clean hair, technically. Anyways, I hope the rat enjoyed his bath in my salad. Here's to washing pre-washed salads from now on...
Found a live bug in a salad from a restaurant. It was a big old beetle. So lately, I've been eating pb&j sandwiches.
I've seen plenty of hair in my day, but the nastiest thing: when I was a waitress, I was about to deliver a sandwich / pasta salad - and noticed that the pasta salad had a used band-aid in it. Gag.
And I must say that the image of a mouse bathing in a bag of salad is... almost cute, but not if you're about to eat the salad. *shudder*
My mom works in a kitchen, and once she poured out a prebagged salad, and there were TONS of ladybugs crawling in it, that promptly started flying away. Needless to say, she didn't serve that.
She also was there when someone found a cooked bright red grasshopper in the canned green beans.I am sooooo paranoid when it comes to food that it is not even funny. I seriously inspect my food before I can even start eating it. I take apart sandwiches to look inside them, I pull apart meat, I inspect every surface of it to make sure nothing is in there that I don't want to eat.
I've got a gross story too- I got a mint chip ice cream cone once when I was little, and I swear it had a couple of boogers in it. I don't know how or why, but when you're under ten, you know what boogers taste like. Yuck.
posted by Tramp at
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
7 Comments:
Geno, you should hang with Joe more often. You can eat the bugs and Joe can eat his fungus!
I have no room to talk. As a biker, I know I've eaten my share of bugs. But not intentionally!
Hey, how come you ain't on Fear Factor? Them's some bug eatin' sumbitches!
And Geno, fess up. I know you've eaten a few hairs in your time *wink wink*!
Shall I ask Sweet?
Sweet, I believe you have just written the Official Riverbank Disclaimer. It's going up front!
NEED
TO
KEEP
MY
MOUTH
SHUT.
I ain't scared.
I ain't.
But the ad people are visibly shaken. Pussies!
Did you ever meet the ad people?
The men look like they don't have a penis.
And the women look like they do!
The only use for grapefruit in the ad business today is when they shove it up their ass to get it to pucker even tighter. Here is a typical confab in an ad meeting.
"Okay, here is the product. Any ideas, anyone?"
"I know. Lets make an ad for it that never shows the product or even mentions it."
"Hey, that's a great idea!"
"It is?"
"Yeah, it will be so cool. People will say, "Wow, this product is so cool they don't even mention it in the ad for it."
"But how will they know what it is?"
"That's the cool part"
"You feeling alright?"
"Yeah, fine. Hey, did anyone see the grapefruit I brought with me today?"
"Yeah. I stuck it up my ass."
"Oh, right! I noticed your gait was a little chipper today."
I couldn't care less about these goofy ads and their chipper ass creators. But when I created this monster, I had to register it online as to what type of site it would be. And that's what the ad dorks go by.
Now I cannot change horses in the middle of the seventh inning stretch. Or something akin to that.
I am required to keep my end of the bargain by doing what I chose at that time.
I could have said it's a site where you watch Eastern European midgets fuck goats while being flogged by naked virgins. And everyone who was into that (both of them) would be checking this site, and creeping me out? And you just KNOW the ad-boys would run thet other way. I would.
I've never considered sex to be a spectator sport. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play. But watching just don't do it. And seeing other men's penises is completely unacceptable to me. If you ever say to me, "Look at that man's penis", I will punch you hard. Hard enough to insure it never happens again. The only penis I want to watch being inserted into places (and I don't mean goats or other men) is my own. Wow, I just creeped myself out!
Football I watch. Sex I participate in. But I imagine there are those who like watching. There are probably some out there right now thinking, "I wonder where that Midget/Goat site is at?" If you are one of them, please don't tell me. Ever!
That's it pal! I'm writing you a warning on a yellow sheet!
And it's going on your permanent record!
You're not laughing now, are you, huh?
You are?
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