The Biggest Douchebags Ever Elected

You may elect our nation's next great leader on Nov. 7.

Or you could elect another major asshole like one of these guys.


1. Mayor Philip Giordano
There are sex scandals. There are underage sex scandals. And there's the shit that the former mayor of Waterbury, Connecticut pulled. Giordano was sentenced to 37 years in prison for having sex with 9-year-old and 11-year-old girls.

2. All the Kennedys
They weren't all elected, but the whole family is pretty much a bunch of assholes. From fatal car accidents and murder to drug possession and skiing like an asshole, those drunken bastards from Massachusetts make South Carolina look like a virtuous state.

3. President Charles Logan
You're saying that Logan was never elected in real life? Whatever. Next you are going to try to tell us that Jack Bauer isn't hunting down Osama bin Laden right this second.

4. Mayor Marion Barry
After getting caught on tape doing crack with his girlfriend by the FBI, Barry went to prison for six months on drug charges and then got reelected mayor of Washington, D.C. Voters must have believed his defense: "Bitch set me up."

5. Mayor Vincent Cianci
The longtime mayor of Providence, Rhode Island resigned in 1984 after pleading no contest to assaulting a man with a lit cigarette, an ashtray and a fireplace log. Proving that Rhode Island is the South Carolina of the North, he was reelected in 1991 and served 11 more years before going down on federal corruption charges.

6. Old Racist White Men—Robert Byrd and Strom Thurmond
Proud South Carolinian (surprise, surprise) Thurmond ran for president and carried four states before being elected to the Senate for the next 130 years. Byrd got his political career started as a member of the Ku Klux Klan, but is shockingly not from South Carolina. West Virginia continually reelects the hooded statesman.

7. Gov. Jim McGreevey
The governor of New Jersey made his unqualified gay lover the head of homeland security and then had to resign as governor when his lover threatened to sue the state for sexual harassment. McGreevey announced, "I am a gay American" in his resignation press conference. In reality, he's just an asshole.

8. Rep. Preston Brooks
Slightly peeved by some comments made by a senator, Brooks, a South Carolina congressman, entered the Senate floor and nearly beat Charles Sumner to death with a cane on May 22, 1856. Brooks resigned but was immediately reelected, proving once again that the entire state of South Carolina is bat-shit crazy.

9. Rep. Mark Foley
Accused of having sexually charged IM conversations with underage senate pages, the disgraced former Florida congressman has blamed his homosexuality and molestation by a Catholic priest for his conduct. If those don't work, he'll blame tainted spinach, Terrell Owens, and El Nino.

10. Vice President Aaron Burr
Facing trial for killing Alexander Hamilton in a duel, the former Vice President fled to the haven of crazy politicians—South Carolina. Later he faced treason charges for trying to create his own country southwest of the original 13 states. Murder and treason? Dick Cheney's got nothing on Burr.

Courtesy of Maxim Magazine.