A Christmas Story

Sort of. Kinda. Well, a good story, nonetheless!

POOL SHIT
"We went to the swimming pool every Friday for the ritual humiliation of baring our bodies to classmates so we could be mocked for years afterwards about our fat / hair /birthmarks / no tits etc. But at the end of each term, we were allowed to mess about with snorkels and masks.
This provided agreat opportunity to swim beneath Judy B in order to get a cod's eye view of her love mound. It also led to the situation where Adam S, a portly boy with freckles, had a dump in the pool. The high fat and corn content in the log caused it to bob heartily in his wake: the sadistic paedo swimming instructor ordered everyone out of the pool to avert a hygiene scandal.
Everyone fled the pool like that scene in Jaws - everyone except John K, who surfaced from the deep directly below the Trident sub that was Adam's stool. As we gasped, it narrowly missed his breathing tube. As we winced, it settled with amazing accuracy on the top of his mask, shelf-like. Imagine how it must have seemed to him, surfacing to see his classmates screaming and pointing at him. Imagine the sensation as he slipped off the mask to ask "WHAT?!" ... and slicked the still warm turd back through his hair.
He used a whole bottle of shampoo later."
Frank Spencer