Crisco

From Carrie.

An old man is walking around in a supermarket calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"
Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Sir, the Crisco is in aisle D."
The old man replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife."
The clerk is astonished. "Your wife's name is Crisco?"
The old man answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we're out in public."
"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call her at home?"
"Lard ass!!....