Email Hoaxes

Here is a list of the latest email hoaxes making the rounds today.

All of these stories are false, except the last two.
The comments are from yours truely.

*****

Mailings from an organization called the 'Internal Revenue Service' are a scam. (But they are!)

Little Billy Evans needs your help to obtain a real body to replace the burlap sack full of leaves that now serves as his trunk. (But it matches his head so well)

According to a study published in The England Journal of Medicine, "ogling women's breasts is good for a man's health." (Can I have this just this one for free?)

President Clinton has ordered a recall of Massachusetts commemorative quarters because they feature a portrait of a minuteman holding a gun. (The Arkansas Quarter was recalled, something about the tape...)

Harry Potter books are sparking a rise in Satanism among children. (I knew it!!! Wait, these are false)

Nostradamus predicted that December 2000 would see "the village idiot come forth to be acclaimed the leader in the home of greatest power." (Are you sure they are false?)

A date rape drug called "beer" is used by female sex predators preying on men in bars. (That's gotta be true!)

Women are having their thighs stolen and replaced with oatmeal. ( ???...)

Online magic trick reads minds and removes card chosen by subject from pack. (Seen it, it sucks)

Amazing on-line psychic trick can read minds and identify which symbol a user selected from a list of many choices. (for only 4.99 a minute plus tax)

The "worst job in Singapore" belongs to a zoo worker who has to help animals masturbate in order to collect sperm samples from them. (Well, it would be!)

Man attempting to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head inadvertently saves his own life when the bullet excises his inoperable brain tumor. (What are the odds? Oh yeah, not true...)

Terrorist attempting to light the fuse to a bomb hidden in his rectum is foiled by airline personnel. (It woulda 'rectum'!)

An 83-year-old grandmother beat up six airport security guards. (The video! Where's the video dammit?)

You can look up anyone's driver's license or police records for free on the Internet. (Right. And I look like a monkey!)

Chess player's head explodes. (It ought to, that takes too much thinking)

Pacific Palisades High School placed an unusual message on their school telephone answering system. ("Hi, we're presently NOT under lockdown")

The FBI tracks your every online keystroke with a pair of animated eyes. (And they follow you around the room!)

Man arrested for insider trading attributes his financial success to time travel. (I need one of those)

Saddam Hussein once starred in gay porn films. (Oh please be true)

An Oregon county health services department hired a Klingon interpreter to assist psychiatric patients who would speak no other language. (What's strange is that someone thinks that's shocking)

Researchers have developed genetically engineered fruit trees that bear meat. (A meat tree? Too gay!)

A practical joker landed tourists in trouble by publishing a Japanese-to-English phrase book with incorrect definitions for every phrase. (You mean "me love you long time" doesn't mean...)

E-mail advertises new cell phone conforming to federal regulations requiring motorists to use hands-free devices only. (I quit reading that one. Boring...)

Chihuahuas are actually a type of rodent bred to resemble dogs. (Now that's more like it!)

Perverts going door to door are getting folks to disrobe by asking to see various body parts. (I know that one is fake. I tried it.)

A Kinsey Institute study found that having children lowers the IQ of both parents. (That's GOTTA be true!)

The U.S. is about to surrender its sovereignty to the United Nations. (And nothing would change...)

Julie Andrews sang an old folks' parody of "My Favorite Things" to celebrate her 69th birthday. (Aww, I bought that one!)

The BBC reported an outbreak of "zombism" in a Cambodian town. (Seen the movie?)

The BBC reported on a lion's mutilating 42 midgets in a Cambodian ring-fight. (This is a good lead for jokes. It was the basis for the 'Midget Cockpunching Terrorists' story I did last year.)

A man starved to death rather than leave his computer to eat. (I've almost done that!)

An argument over a San Diego-based message board resulted in two murders. (Yawn)

A medical study has determined working with idiots is 'one of the deadliest forms of stress.' (Yawnnn)

U.S. Congress considers passage of the "Americans with No Abilities" Act. (Let's see an app)

The artificial sweetener aspartame was originally developed as an ant poison. (And is now 'People Poison')

A free web site allows users to track the location of any cell phone. (Why not just call the person and ask?)

The following stories are true and contain links to verify them.

1984 newspaper announced Daylight Saving Time contest to see who could save the most daylight.

Roto-Rooter men find lots of strange things found in customers' drains.