The Philosophy Of Business

I've been working quite a bit lately. So I came up with a business philosophy.

Dilbert style, that is!

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Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Any simple problem can be made insoluble if enough meetings are held to discuss it.

Anything not worth doing is not worth doing well.

By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Doing nothing is tiring because you can't stop to rest.

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

Everyone rises to his or her level of incompetence.

The first thing a new employee should do on the job is learn to recognize his boss' voice on the phone.

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

The Golden Rule of Bureaucracy: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.

I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

If we knew what we were doing it wouldn't be called research.

If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided.

The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

A memorandum is not written to inform the reader but to protect the writer.

Of course I don't look busy. I did it right the first time!

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years.