only in new orleans

From Southern Girl.

Taken with her permission from her site.

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THE FOUR SEASONS OF YOUR YEAR ARE: CRAWFISH, CRAB, SHRIMP AND KING CAKE
all delicious!
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS DIRECTIONS, YOU USE UPTOWN, DOWNTOWN, WESTBANK & LAKESIDE
YOU PROUDLY CLAIM THAT MONKEY HILL IS THE HIGHEST POINT IN THE CITY
monkey hill is located at Audubon Zoo, and is always the first place the kids want to go
YOU CALL IT A NEUTRAL GROUND INSTEAD OF A MEDIAN
yup!
YOUR BURIAL PLOT IS 6 FEET OVER, RATHER THAN 6 FEET UNDER
YOU CAN PRONOUNCE TCHOUPITOULAS
sure can, (it’s “chop a tool us” ), and on some days, i can even spell it!
WHEN SOMEONE SAYS “MAGAZINE”, YOU THINK STREET NOT PERIODICAL
magazine street is where audubon zoo is located
YOU TAKE A “RIGHT HAND TURN” INSTEAD OF A RIGHT TURN
YOU KNOW TO WAIT A MINUTE BEFORE GOING WHEN THE LIGHT TURNS GREEN
YOU CAN CROSS 2 LANES OF HEAVY TRAFFIC AND U-TURN THROUGH A NEUTRAL GROUND, WHILE AVOIDING 2 JOGGERS AND A STREETCAR, THEN FIT INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC WITHOUT EVEN TOUCHING THE BRAKE
YOU KNOW THE DEFINITION OF “DRESSED”
ooh, yeah…a loaded poboy!
YOU KNOW A PO-BOY IS NOT A GUY WITH NO MONEY
YOU REFER TO ANY STRAWBERRY SODA AS “RED DRINK”
YOU “MAKE” GROCERIES
i, personally, don’t say this, but have heard it on many occasions, along with “making a grocery bill”
YOU KNOW THAT A GROCERY CART IS ACTUALLY CALLED A BUGGY
YOU KNOW WHAT K&B, SCHWEGMANN’S, TASTEE DONUTS AND MCKENZIE’S IS
mckenzie’s has the best king cakes!
YOU LIKE YOUR RICE AND POLITICS DIRTY
YOU KNOW THAT THOSE BIG ROACHES CAN FLY, AND YOU’RE ACTUALLY ABLE TO SLEEP AT NIGHT
if there’s a flyin roach in my bedroom, this gal ain’t sleepin!!!
YOU CONSIDER A BLOODY MARY A LIGHT BREAKFAST
for those who, like me, don’t like tomato juice, bud works just as well
NO MATTER WHERE ELSE YOU GO IN THE WORLD, YOU ARE ALWAYS DISAPPOINTED IN THE FOOD
also true!
YOU CALL TOMATO SAUCE “RED GRAVY”
YOU CALL YOUR GRANDPARENTS (AND EVERYONE ELSE’S GRANDPARENTS) “MAW-MAW & PAW-PAW”
YOUR HOUSE PAYMENT IS LESS THAN YOUR AIR CONDITIONING BILL IS
WIN OR LOSE…. YOU HAVE AND WILL ALWAYS BE A SAINTS FAN
YOU DON’T LEARN UNTIL HIGH SCHOOL THAT MARDI GRAS IS NOT A NATIONAL HOLIDAY
and it was such a shock!!!
YOU HAVE A PARADE LADDER IN YOUR SHED
YOU BRING EMPTY GROCERY BAGS TO PARADES
how else are ya gonna get yer beads home?
YOUR FIRST SENTENCE WAS “THROW ME SUMTHIN MISTA”
YOU REFER TO DIFFERENT HIGH SCHOOLS AS “CATHOLIC” OR “PUBLIC”
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS WHAT SCHOOL YOU WENT TO, YOU KNOW THEY MEANT HIGH SCHOOL, NOT COLLEGE
YOU CAN REMOVE THE CAP TO A TABASCO BOTTLE WITH ONE HAND
you betcha!
YOU PUT TONY’S ON EVERYTHING
on everything
YOU HAVE SEEN MEN IN TUXEDOS BOILING CRAWFISH
YOU CALL A CONVENIANT STORE “TIME SAVER”
RAIN, SLEET OR HAIL WILL NEVER KEEP YOU FROM JAZZ FEST
YOU HAVE SPENT MANY-A-SUNDAY’S AT THE LAKEFRONT
WHEN YOU MOVED OR WENT OUT OF TOWN, YOU ARE INCREDIBLY RELIEVED TO MEET SOMEONE FROM N’AWLINS AND YOU KISS THEM LIKE YOU’RE FAMILY
YOUR ATTIC OR GARAGE IS FILLED WITH MARDI GRAS BEADS
YOU BELIEVE THAT PURPLE, GREEN AND GOLD ACTUALLY LOOK GOOD TOGETHER
YOU CRINGE EVERY TIME YOU HEAR AN ACTOR WITH A SOUTHERN OR CAJUN ACCENT IN ANY NEW ORLEANS-BASED MOVIE OR TV SHOW
oh gawd, yes!
YOU WASTE MORE TIME NAVIGATING BACKSTREETS THEN SITTING IN TRAFFIC
YOU’RE WALKING IN THE QUARTER WITH A PLASTIC CUP OF BEER. IT STARTS TO RAIN AND YOU COVER YOUR BEER INSTEAD OF YOUR HEAD
well, what else can you do?
YOU SAVE NEWSPAPER. NOT TO RECYCLE BUT FOR A TABLECLOTH AT YOUR NEXT CRAWFISH BOIL
SOMEONE STOPS AND ASKS YOU FOR DIRECTIONS AND YOU STOP AND HELP THEM WITH A SMILE
YOU KNOW WHERE YOU GOT YOUR SHOES
ok, this one i don’t understand…
YOU CONSIDER GARBAGE CANS A LEGAL STEP TO PROTECTING YOUR PARKING SPOT ON A PUBLIC STREET
YOU GO OUT TO DINNER AND SPEND THE ENTIRE MEAL TALKING ABOUT THE OTHER GOOD PLACES YOU HAVE EATEN
YOU EXHIBIT YOUR “DOUBLOON REFLEX” BY STOMPING RUNAWAY COINS WITH YOUR FOOT
well, how else are you gonna catch it?
YOU’RE LEFT BEHIND AT AN OUT-OF-TOWN BAR BECAUSE YOU’RE SEARCHING FOR A GO-CUP
YOUR FIRST QUESTION IN ANY TELEPHONE CALL IS “WHERE Y’AT?”
YOU REPLY TO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE HERE AS, “ONLY IN N’AWLINS”
YOU’RE NOT SCARED IF SOMEONE WANTS TO “AX YOU SOMETHING”
YOU KNOW NO ONE ACTUALLY SAYS N’AWLINS
it’s new orleans, which rhymes with darlins
YOU’VE GREETED SOMEONE WITH “HOW’S YOUR MOM AN ‘DEM?”
well, unless you wanna be rude!