Finally, Guys Explained

Why Guys Do What They Do

Women have long wondered why guys do the things that we do. Granted, the things we do don’t seem to make sense on the surface. But there is a good reason for why we do everything we do. Now sometimes we don’t know what that reason is, but we know there is one. Or at least we’re pretty sure that one exists.

Yeah, there has to be one, we just don’t know where it’s kept. And there is a good reason for that as well. If we knew where it was, we would probably destroy it. So it’s actually a good thing that we don’t know where it’s at. And personally, I hope we never find it. We’d probably blow it up.

Blowing things up is an important part of being a guy. Stay with me, I’m going to bring this together. Yes I am! You women always doubt us. I will bring it together. And then I’m going to blow it up.

Garbage cans are a perfect example in showing how guys and women perceive everything differently. When a woman sees a garbage can, she puts garbage in it. Now I ask you, how ridiculous is that? When a guy comes across a garbage can, he blows it up, as it should be.

Now let’s find out why we blow the garbage can up. We don’t really care about the garbage can blowing up. No, that would just be stupid. That’s makes no sense at all. The real reason we do these things is not because we want the garbage can blown up, we couldn’t care less about it. The real reason is that we are trying to hurt our buddies.

See, now that makes sense. Guys do not express emotions very well. And we are cool with that. So when a guy wants to let another guy know that he likes him as a friend, and that he cares about him, he tries to kill him.

And you women thought we didn’t have a good reason, didn’t you? Women just don’t think these things all the way through. Of course when a guy hates another guy, he tries to kill him as well, doesn‘t he? . Okay, maybe we didn’t think this one all the way through.

Doesn’t matter, it works. And we could explain it better if we could find that damn reason. But it’s better that we don’t know where it’s at. I think we can all agree on that.

Now let’s try and find a rational reason for attempting to maim or kill someone you care for. And the only reason I even bring this up is for the benefit of the women. Guys don’t need this explained to them. We just know that’s how it is. When two guys who care about each other get together, the conversation is usually something like this;

Guy 1 : Hey c’mon, lets go down to that new construction site.
Guy 2 : There’s a lot of dangerous shit down there.
Guy 1 : Yeah, I know.
Guy 2 : You’re going to try and kill me, aren’t you?
Guy 1 : Maybe.
Guy 2 : Cool! It’s nice to have friends who care about you. Thanks!
Guy 1 : Well, you’re going to try and kill me, aren’t you?
Guy 2 : You know I will.
Guy 1 : That’s great, you’re a good friend.
Guy 2 : Can you give me a hint about where it’s going to come from?
Guy 1 : No I can’t. It’s kind of feeble and relies heavily on the element of surprise.
Guy 2 : Oh that’s okay, I understand.

Now, where did this behavior develop? This one is too easy. Thousands of years ago, the Neanderthals, who were not unlike us (I mean guys) created this type of behavior out of necessity. The guys pursued the women because the women had something the guys wanted. Their bodies. Yeah, that’s right, let’s not lie to each other. The guys, however, did not want other guys bodies. Guys are repulsed by other guys bodies. Heck, guys are repulsed by their own bodies. The reason a guy would develop a relationship with another guy is because that guy had a bunch of cool stuff. So if the one guy could kill the other guy, he would get all of that guy’s cool stuff!

And that brings it all together and wraps it up. It is extremely simple. I’m not sure why it’s so simple, but simple it is. There really is no depth to it, it’s easy to understand. You women could take a lesson. I mean really, garbage in a garbage can. Who does that? Next you'll want to put dishes in the kitchen cabinets! Well alright, that's an exageration. Everyone knows the tools go there!

So if you will now excuse me, a friend of mine just stopped over.
We are going to go outside and blow shit up.

I want his stereo. I think he wants my bass boat.