Faking It

Whether a woman fakes her orgasms or not is something the majority of men would rather not question. This is in case they discovered that she has been all along, and that they are not, in fact, the stud they thought women go wild for. Rather, they are a pathetic creature with a problem, who needs to be patronized. For those of you who would prefer not to ask her, but would still like to know, here is a simple checklist to help you.

1. In the middle of lovemaking, and just before the moment it sounds as though she is about to have an orgasm, stop and take away the magazine she's been looking at. If she says, "Dammit, I was reading that!", she was faking.

2. If her panting, groaning and screaming are in tune, or sound like a familiar song, she can't be concentrating enough on the 'job at hand', and must therefore be faking it. Or else she really likes the song playng on her iPod.

3. A rule of thumb, which is usually very accurate, is: stop at random and record her response. If every time you stop she says, "Mmmmm, you were wonderful, baby", she is faking it. If she says "Don't stop!", she isn't. However, if she says "Don't stop!" hours after lovemaking has finished, it is possible that she may have fallen asleep and missed most of the excitement.

Remember these guidelines for future reference.