Friday, February 08, 2008

New Geno Facts


-Some kids piss their name in the snow. Geno can piss his name into concrete.
-Geno's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Geno.
-Geno can speak braille.
-Geno owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
-Geno can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
-Geno once won a game of Connect Four in 3 moves.
-Geno can delete the Recycling Bin.
-Once a cobra bit Geno's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
-Geno was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
-If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Geno says its beef, then it's fucking beef.
-Geno's house does not have security guards. Rather, he employs a single man in uniform to lead burglars to his bedroom, where they are never heard from again.
-Geno sleeps with a night light. Not because Geno is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Geno.
-When Geno gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
-Geno sold his soul to the Devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled abilities. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Geno kicked the Devil in the face and took his soul back. The Devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
-If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Geno banging your sister.
-Geno can kill two stones with one bird.
-Geno doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
-Geno is always on top during sex because Geno never fucks up.
-Geno can play the violin with a piano.
-Geno eats the core of an apple first.
-Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Geno's PC will crash.
-Death once had a near-Geno-experience.
-Geno was once charged with attempted murder in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Geno does not "attempt" murder.
-Geno can strangle you with a cordless phone.
-Geno has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
-Geno can build a snowman out of rain.
-Geno is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Geno.
-Geno is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Jeep.
-It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Geno can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
-When Geno enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
-When Geno looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Geno and Geno.
-Geno can drown a fish.
-The only time Geno was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
-Geno doesn't need a miracle in order to split the ocean. He just walks in and the water gets the fuck out of the way.
-Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Geno.
-Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Geno can throw Brett Favre even further.
-Geno doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
-When God said, "Let there be light", Geno said, "say please."
-Geno once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
-Geno can tie his shoes with his feet.
-Geno doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
-Geno once had an erection while lying face down and struck oil.
-Geno is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Geno claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
-The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Geno is.
-Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Geno during sex, because they are doing the same thing.

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