A Bad Influence

From Trev.

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A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good.
The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Claus with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too.
As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs? "
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas. "

Morris and Sherry were married for five years and sex was becoming routine and boring.
"Look," said Morris , "if you don't put some more action into it in the sack, I'm gonna go out and get me some strange stuff."
"Listen, Romeo," said Sherry , "if you could somehow manage just a teensy inch or two more, you'd be into some strange stuff right here!"

An executive was in quandary. He had to get rid of one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, as they were both equally qualified and both did excellent work. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night.
She went to the cooler to get some water to take an aspirin and the executive approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."
Debra replied, "Could you jack off? I feel like crap."

The Texan, seated in the hotel cocktail lounge, beckoned the waitress back and said, "May I have a piece of ass?"
"Lord!" She said astonished. "That's gotta be the most direct proposition I've ever had in my life. But why not? Let's go on up to your room."
When they returned, she said, "And now sir, will there be anything else?"
"Yeah, lil' Lady." the cowboy replied. "I still need ah piece of ass for mah drink."