Tuesday, May 13, 2008

It's The Law

Real laws. Really.

A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment.
(Until the next date with her)

No woman may go in public without wearing a corset in Norfolk, Virginia.
(I’m guessing they have quite a few lawbreaking women there)

In the state of Washington, there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).
(But... Never mind, I’ll just send in Geno. He just got back from the Islands. Before he went, they were called the Virgin Islands)

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.
(That can’t be right. I heard they have many fuck-ups)

In Florida, it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
(So, if a woman falls from the sky, don’t hit on her)

In Ames Iowa, a husband may not take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife.
(Given the situation, why would he want beer? Or even have time for one?)

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.

In Bozeman, Montana, you can't perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, and if you are nude.
("C'mon Honey, let’s go to the front yard, here’s a hat!")

A Helena, Montana law states that a woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.
(Good one! “Excuse me ma’am, I’m going to have to weigh your clothes. Hand them over, it’s the law.”)

Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts.
(I think that ‘s’ is a typo. It should be ‘nightshirt’)

Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
(No one likes a braggart)

During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
("Let’s see, it’s lunchtime, that vehicle has curtains... I’ll have what he’s having!")

In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal.
(“Yeah, I’ve got a condom in my wallet; it doesn’t say I have to wear it!”)

In Cleveland, Ohio, women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
(Those are made for men anyway, to reflect up women’s skirts)

In Connersville, Wisconsin, no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.
(What about his ‘Love’ gun?)


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