The Canadian Plot Is Resolved

I had written a story about how Canada is taking over the United States without our knowledge. I also had written a letter to the ringleader, Samantha Burns. Here is an excerpt from that story.

1. I went to a McDonalds for breakfast the other day and my McMuffin had Canadian bacon on it. I requested this be replaced with American bacon. They responded that all they had was Canadian bacon. If Canadians can take over an all American institution like McDonalds, what else are they capable of that we don't know about?

2. The weather here has been uncomfortably hot. Do you know why? It's because the Canadians are hoarding all of the cool weather. It's true, check their weather reports. I don't know how they are doing it, but I WILL find out!

3. Have you tried this Canadian beer? It makes American beer taste like piss. I believe they are doing this intentionally. And it is a direct attack on our American pisswate.., I mean beer.

So I sent a list of demands to Sam as follows.

1. More Canadian bacon.

2. More Canadian beer.

3. Maybe some of that cooler weather.


After careful consideration and a period of negotiations (I was told how it's gonna be), I received this response from Sam.


Here are my responses to your demands.

1 Canadian bacon ain’t free.

2. Canadian beer ain’t free.

3. I’m sending some cooler weather via US postal service, so it will take until October to get there.

Thanks Sam, I knew I could count on you. I believe we have resolved this situation and we didn't even need to call the UN. That's a good thing because the UN never does a damn thing anyway.


FOOTNOTE: This is a joke. There will be no war. Samantha Burns is a very good person and a friend. She taught me everything I know about running this type of website. For free too, just out of kindness. So if you like this site, you have her to thank for its existence. And don't forget to check out the best site in Canada, SamanthaBurns.com She is the master, I am her student.