Colleen's Living Will

Colleen sent me a copy of her living will.
I'm going to have mine drawn up based on hers. Here it is.

My Living Will

I, Colleen Bigfreakinlastname, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of stupid politicians who could not pass ninth-grade biology class if their lives depended on it, nor in the hands of lawyers and/or doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Margarita,
Beer,
Coffee,
Steak,
Lobster or crab legs,
The remote control,
Bowl of ice cream,
Chocolate,
or Sex (especially Sex!)
..it should be presumed that I won't EVER get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time to ask all of my friends to raise their glasses and toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________Date: ___________________________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. I personally think a Pub & Smoking Room should be mandatory for all Nursing Homes in the United States.


Amen Colleen, amen.