What I Learned From Horror Movies

Recently I've published a link to horror movie reviews. Horror movies are more than cheesy entertainment, they are educational.

For example, here are some of the things horror movies have taught me.


* When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
* Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
* Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
* When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go it alone.
* Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
* If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
* If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
* If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
* If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely rambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
* If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
* Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
* If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help.
* If you see a town that looks deserted except for children, do not try to 'help' them, they will eat you.
* Do not allow crewmates back aboard the craft if and after you have found a hideous parasite attached to his/her body.
* Be forewarned that a gun is only good for ALMOST killing the monster, never for COMPLETELY killing it. Be sure to have an extra weapon, preferably one with a "flair" (a knife, a harpoon, a heavy box, razor confetti, pop tarts...)
* Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or the voice of a dear relative whom you THOUGHT was dead.
* If you are a female, never show your breasts. Easy women die fast.
* Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.
* If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, and you say "Tom... Tom is that you?" and Tom does not answer, run away.
* If you have to run away, taking a bus is your best bet. If you take a car the monster will be in it.