Brain Farts

Sweet has this great collection of misspoken thingamabobbers. This proves conclusively that when your brain freezes, your mouth should follow suit.

Here is Sweet now. Comments by me.


I feel so much smarter........

*Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
Kill me now.
*"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
How about skinny with death but no flies?
*"Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.
And that part would be 'the rest'?
*"I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
Tough to do knee surgery on your elbow?
*"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
More crack Mr. Barry?
*"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
Yes you are!
*"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
That's why we have to give 140%.
*"It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. Its the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
Whew! I thought that crap was pollution!
*"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
We meant the other California, Dan.
*"We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" --Lee Iacocca
How about all of it?
*"The word "genius" isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
It isn't applicable to Joe either!
*"We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
I'm not going to hurt you. I'm simply going to exclude the absense of pain!
*"Traditionally, most of Australia’s imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery
Let's buck tradition then!
*"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina
Should you die again, be sure to notify us!
*"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
And without this, how would we know they are dead?

Feeling smarter yet?
Sweet