Carrie Has The New Darwin Awards

These are almost unbelievable.

Almost!

Here's Carrie.

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2006 DARWIN AWARDS

In case you’ve been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin Awards, here they are!
The awards this year are, once again, truly classic.

These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains or estate of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human-gene pool.

Just think... until these events occurred, these same people were ‘walking the streets’… just like normal people.

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5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo , California, man who died when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. David Hubal, a 22-year old, was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital . The accident occurred about 3:00 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked-up a ski run called Stump Alley, and ‘undid’ some yellow-foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers.
The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope, and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and determined that the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.

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4th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it into his mouth, and walked-out without paying.
Police found him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had lodged… choking him to death.

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3rd RUNNER-UP:
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag that was standing above him on an overhanging rock. He was killed instantly… when it fell on him.

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2nd RUNNER-UP:
"Man loses face at party."
A man at a West Virginia party… probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 cal bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck… popped a blasting cap into his mouth, and then bit down, triggering an explosion that blew-off his lips, teeth, and tongue.
Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit-down on the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off, and this guy said, ‘I'll show you how to set it off’."
He put it into his mouth, bit-down, and it blew all his teeth out… and his lip and tongue off… Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

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1st RUNNER-UP:
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will soon be released from the hospital.
Tony Roberts, age 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men Anonymous) in Grants Pass , Oregon .
A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone one-millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut, and Roberts would have died instantly.
Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny Delashaw, at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8- 10 inches of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts tried to pull the arrow out on his own, he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this."
No charges have been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

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Now… THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington , decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater.
Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop-over” the nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence, with the plan being for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence, then assist his friend over.
Unfortunately for the late Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly-halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts.
Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut-away his shorts… to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body, and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing, his pocket knife penetrated his thigh.
Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety… by tying the rope to the pickup truck, and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse, and crashed through the fence… landing on his friend and killing him.
Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck… being dead at the scene from massive internal-injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it: half-naked, his body badly-scratched, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

Congratulations Gentlemen! You win!