Idiots At Work

Chronicles Of Workplace Stupidity

A WEIGHTY SUBJECT
A woman called a travel agent and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" The agent replied, "No, why do you ask?" The timid sounding woman said, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while the agent regained her composure she explained to the woman that the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. Makes you wonder if the woman saw the word “terminal” on her luggage if she would have thought she was really sick.

A REAL TRAVEL ADVENTURE
A rather confused woman called to make reservations; "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." Needless to say, the agent was rather confused by the request. "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, I’m sure," said the client. "What flights to you have?" The agent got on the computer and tried every airport code in the country but couldn't come up with a city named Hippopotamus. She finally got back on the phone and told the person on the other end that she had had no luck locating a city with that name. "Oh, don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured the map of New York state looking for any city that might vaguely sound or look like Hippopotamus. Finally, and as a last ditch effort; asked the woman, "You don’t, by any chance mean Buffalo, do you?" "Oh, right, that's it. I knew it was a big animal."

YOUR BRAIN - DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT
A woman had just purchased several items she needed from a department store and was handed the credit card receipt to sign. The cashier noticed that the back of the woman’s credit card wasn't signed and told her she couldn't complete the transaction without a signed card. The woman was slightly confused by this request but complied and signed the back of the card immediately after signing the receipt. The cashier took both the receipt and the card, held them up, and compared the signature. Surprisingly they matched.

THAT'S JUST GOOFY!
The management of Walt Disney World, after two months of negotiation, finally relented and no longer makes the costume character actors share their underwear. Before the final settlement the actors were only allowed to wear Disney provided underwear that were laundered and passed out randomly. The actor complained to management that the underwear was often not clean, smelled bad, had stains and "things have been passed around." Actors will now be allowed to have personal underwear, that Disney will issue, and the employees can take home and launder themselves. Of course this won't affect the character of Donald Duck because, as we know, he doesn’t wear any pants.

WORKING YOUR WAY UP FROM THE BOTTOM
A "Whistleblower" is someone who discovers and then reports illegal or unscrupulous activity in the workplace. One vigilant British worker, who obviously had some spare time on his hands or intestinal problems, measured several rolls of toilet paper and found they only had 200 sheets as opposed to the 320 sheets stated in the contract with the supplier. His employer, West Somerset District Council, demanded the vendor wipe the slate clean and was awarded $28,100. The employer's compensation for saving the company nearly $30,000? He was given a few days off. So if the company is ever "rolled" you can be sure who did it.

CRAZY HIRING PRACTICES
Disgruntled postal workers turning violent has become so commonplace even the worst stand-up comedians use it in their act. But the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission created the ultimate "punch" line in hiring practices. An article in the Employee Relations Law Journal explains, "Many individuals who become violent toward customers or coworkers suffer from some form of mental disorder. Yet for an employer to be too careful in screening potentially dangerous persons out of the work force is to invite liability for discrimination under the ADA (Americans With Disabilities Act), while to be not careful enough is to invite tragedy and horrendous liability for negligent hire or negligent retention." Damned if you do - damned if you don't - and damned if it isn't just going to get worse.

JUST LET ME ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS FIRST
Businesses are only as good as the people they hire. We've all come across people in stores, on the phone or in offices and wondered to ourselves "How did they get hired?" Well, sometimes there's not a lot out there to choose from. A questionnaire was sent out to Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations asking them to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees. Here are some of their responses:

* A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
* Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
* Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewers office.
* Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
* Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on how to answer specific interview questions.

RESUME OR RESUME NOT
In keeping with the "How did they get hired" question posed earlier, Fortune Magazine (July 21, 1997) put out an article which listed items from real resumes and cover letters. Here are some highlights:

* "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms. "
* "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
* "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
* "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
* "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. "
* "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. "
* "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. "
* "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me. "

LET'S SEE WHAT DEVELOPS
A female employee of Eastman Kodak is suing the company under the Americans With Disabilities Act. The woman claims she suffers from "seasonal affective disorder," a form of depression, and wants Kodak to provide more light where she works - in a photographic darkroom.

QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS
We've all heard the expression "there's no such thing as a stupid question" right? Well, see for yourself. Here are some of the answers from a questionnaire sent out to a number of employers asking, "What's the strangest question they've been asked during an interview? "
Among the responses were:

* "What is it that you people do at this company?"
* "Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"
* "Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland? "
* "Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

SOURCE: Idiots At Work Book