Weird America

Here is a list of the only places in America that are weirder than my family reunions.

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Jell-O Museum

23 E. Main St.,
Le Roy, NY
585/768-7433,
www.jellomuseum.com
Head to the only museum paying homage to America’s favorite dessert (13 boxes are sold every second). The museum features Jell-O boxes, posters, and funky molds. The museum even houses the world’s only Gelometer, a device that measures the jiggliness of Jell-O. Bill Cosby must be so proud.

King Tut’s Grill
40132 Martin Mill Pike,
Knoxville, TN
865/573-6021
With a capacity of only 38, this tiny Middle Eastern restaurant located in the living room of a house invites its customers, who rave about the Greek salad and baklava, to join conga lines, sing, perform magic tricks, and even pick up toy musical instruments for an impromptu jam session. Drinks are served in flower vases.

Jumbo the Elephant’s Remains
Tufts University,
Medford, MA
617/628-5000,
www.tufts.edu
Jumbo gained fame as the “largest elephant on earth” in the late 1800s, but unfortunately he was run over by a freight train. Ever the showman, his owner, P.T. Barnum, had Jumbo stuffed and put on display at Tufts University, where it became the school mascot. Tragedy struck a second time when a fire destroyed the poor pachyderm. Afterward an administrator loaded Jumbo’s ashes into a peanut butter jar and there he remains for college athletes to rub for good luck before games.

Future Birthplace of Captain Kirk
Riverside, IA
319/648-5475,
www.trekfest.com
This is the place where—far in the future—Mrs. Kirk will give birth to the USS Enterprise’s captain. Resident trekker Steve Miller knew that Kirk hailed from a town in Iowa and proposed that Riverside be named the place and celebrate with an annual Trek Fest. The town’s motto was subsequently changed from “Where the Best Begins” to “Where the Trek Begins.”

Bee Beard Man
Thistledew Farm,
Proctor, WV
800/854-6639,
www.thistledewfarm.com
Head to the Thistledew farm for its famous honey and a visit with clean-shaven owner Steve Conlon. Ask nicely and he’ll put a queen bee in a tiny box on his chin and wait for her hive mates to form a massive bee beard. Conlon was once stung more than 50 times while demonstrating his “talent” on The Tonight Show With Jay Leno.

Big Blue Bug
161 O’Connell St.,
Providence, RI
888/258-3284,
www.bigbluebug.com
Crowning the top of the New England Pest Control Building is a 58'-by-9' termite. At almost 1,000 times the size of the real thing, the Providence landmark—affectionately named Nibbles Woodaway—is decorated with hats and props to celebrate holidays and events.

National Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame
10360 Hall of Fame Dr.,
Hayward, WI
715/634-4440,
www.freshwater-fishing.org
The fiberglass muskie is half a block long and four stories tall, enough to lure in any angler. Enter the open mouth and find yourself on an observation deck, surrounded by more than 5,000 lures, rods, reels, outboard motors, hooks, and of course, fish. Head outside for a photo op that will fool onlookers into believing you reeled in a big one.

Jules’ Undersea Lodge
51 Shoreland Dr.,
Key Largo, FL
305/451-2353,
www.jul.com
Hop off your boat and right into the water to stay for the night. This hotel, built in a 30'-deep lagoon, shares its space with an underwater research facility. Certified scuba divers will love the continuous air supply that lets you spend as long as you want in this underwater retreat. A mer-chef even dives down and serves a gourmet dinner, or you can catch your own.

Stark’s Vacuum Cleaner Museum
107 NE Grand Ave.,
Portland, OR
800/230-4101,
www.starks.com
Head to a museum that spans 100 years of vacuuming history. Models ranging from the original hand-pumped version to the more modern super-sucking Hoovers are on display, as is the story of night janitor James Spangler, the inventor of the original vacuum cleaner.

John Milkovisch’s Beer-Can House
222 Malone St.,
Houston, TX
713/926-6368,
www.orangeshow.org
And you thought you drank a lot of beer. Starting in 1968, the late John Milkovisch began to decorate the exterior of his house with beer cans, working at a rate of more than a six-pack a day for 18 years. Pull-tab garlands adorn the windows, the fencing uses whole cans, and the aluminum siding is made from flattened cans. Fortunately for John’s wife, the interior of the house remained can-free. Ripley’s Believe It or Not estimates that John drank more than 50,000 cans of beer while redecorating.

Lobster Calling
Redondo Beach, CA
310/376-6911,
www.lobsterfestival.com
Every September boaters tie up at the Redondo Beach Marina and throw their pride overboard at the annual Lobster Festival. They chant, rant, and rave as they call in the lobsters, just like fisherman did many years ago at the start of season. If you don’t feel like embarrassing yourself but don’t mind humbling your cruising canine, dress him up like a lobster and show him off in the Lobster-Dog Pet Parade.

Mid-Atlantic Hermit Crab Challenge
Virginia Beach, VA
757/491-7866,
www.beacheventsfun.com
A beauty contest for hermit crabs? And you thought it couldn’t get any weirder. Each July you can dock at Rudee’s Inlet Station Marina and then glam your crab to compete in the Miss Curvaceous Crustacean Beauty Pageant. Want more? Enter your crab in the Crustacean 500, a race to see which will be the first to claw its way from an inner circle to an outer. All contestants are then put up for adoption.

National Baby Food Festival
Fremont, MI
231/924-0770,
www.nbff.org
If your wife ever told you to stop acting like a baby, you may finally be able to shut her up. In July you can head to the home of Gerber for a baby-food-eating contest. Adults try to feed blindfolded adults the most jars of baby food in the least amount of time. Want more fun? Race tricycles, compete in diaper-changing contests, and enter Junior in a baby crawl race. Don’t forget your bib.

Giant Omelette Celebration
Abbeville, LA
337/893-0013,
www.giantomelette.org
Loosen your belt, and get ready for a feast. Five thousand eggs, 50 pounds of onions, 52 pounds of butter, 2 gallons of parsley, 6½ gallons of milk, 3 boxes of salt, and 2 boxes of pepper all get mixed, poured, and fried in a celebration recognizing Abbeville’s French heritage. Each year, chefs from surrounding cities join together to prepare the Cajun-style omelets, which hungry spectators then get to gorge on.

Mermaid Parade
Coney Island, Brooklyn, NY
718/372-5159,
www.coneyislandusa.com
Stop by the Marine Basin Marina and check out all the jaw-dropping, eye-popping eccentricities that Coney Island has to offer. The first Saturday after the summer solstice, mermaids, mermen, merbabies, and even merpets stroll down the boardwalk in this annual parade. Prepare to see some interesting costumes. One woman created a top out of artfully placed rubber lobsters. While you’re there, check out Coney Island’s 6'-tall bearded lady.

World Grits Festival
St. George, SC
843/563-7943,
www.worldgritsfestival.org
Every April, 50,000 people attend this festival, which includes corn-shucking and grits-eating contests, as well as the crowning of Miss Grits. Grits enthusiasts can also participate in the Rolling-in-the-Grits Competition where they (willingly) roll for 10 seconds in a vat of grits, hoping to emerge with as many pounds of grits stuck to their body as possible.

Milk Carton Derby
Seattle, WA
206/728-0123,
www.seafair.com
While tying up at the Bell Harbor Marina in July, be sure to steer clear of the semi-seaworthy milk carton boats racing past you. Built from at least 50 half-gallon cartons, each human-powered craft races across 1,200 feet of water, many sinking in the process to the cheers of onlookers.

National Wife Carrying Championships
Bethel, ME
207/824-3000
It’s not often you hear a man complaining that his wife weighs too little…until now. Come watch a slew of husbands run 278 yards uphill, wade through a water trough, and jump over multiple obstacles, all while carrying their wives on their backs. The victor receives five times his wife’s weight in cash, plus her weight in beer! How’s that for incentive?

Twins Days
Twinsburg, OH
330/425-3652,
www.twinsdays.org
No, you didn’t drink too much, you really are seeing double! Every August, in the world’s largest gathering of its kind, more than 3,000 sets of twins, triplets, quads, and…well, you get the idea…march in the Double Take Parade. Participants also compete in a variety of contests, ranging from the oldest and youngest set of mulitples to the closest and least look-alikes.

Go-Nuts Testicle Festival
York, MT
406/475-9949
In May it’s time to head for York, and I recommend you prepare yourself. After all, you’re going to be surrounded by testicles. Join locals as they pay homage to the bull’s no-nonsense area by marinating “rocky mountain oysters” in beer, breading them, and frying them. Then avert your eyes as some partiers paint their own with fluorescent colors. Okay, you’ve been warned.