An Original Piece Of Fiction

I'll keep it short.

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I was planning to go shopping with an old female friend.
I dreaded having to see her again.
After all, she wasn’t very attractive.

We met at the mall.
Her words came at me fast, approximately seven hundred and thirty two miles per hour.
I wanted to reiterate, but I wasn’t sure what that word meant.

I reminded her that she had Targeted me.
She said that was because the K Mart didn’t have those shoes in the right color.

Then she put the icing on the cake.
It was a creamy chocolate icing and an angel food cake.

Suddenly, and all of a sudden, she said, “I want you to get out of the Office Max.”
I replied, “My name isn’t Max and this is not an office.”

She continued with, “I want you to go outside.”
“Fine,” I told her. “But the last time I did that, I was ticketed for Public Indecency!”

Finally, she looked at me and said, “I’ve had a change of heart.”
“I know,” I told her. “It’s a Jarvik 7, I was there when you got it.”