Real Warning Labels

These labels must be on the products because someone, somewhere did just what it says not to do.

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On a blanket from Taiwan: Not to be used as protection from a tornado.
“I’d like to return this blanket. Do NOT hold on to this thing when it gets windy out! Oh, I also need to buy a bus ticket back to Kansas please.”

Warning on fireplace log: Caution -- Risk of Fire.
Ya think?

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists: Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.
"Whaddya mean you're pregnant? I had shin pads on!"

Warning on an electric router made for carpenters: This product not intended for use as a dental drill.
Aw come on, just this once?

On a bottle of shampoo for dogs: Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.
Why would someone... Oh never mind.

On a hair dryer: Do not use in shower.
Well that’s where my hair gets wet!

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
Someone did not know that!

On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
So you have to pick one?

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: Contains nuts.
Really?

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.
Yes, but does it contain nuts?

On some frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: defrost.
Or have some really tough chompers.

On a hotel provided shower cap: Fits one head.
Perfect! I have one head.

On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
I’m hoping!

Warning on a cartridge for a laser printer: Do not eat toner.
Apparently the printer will make sure that you do!

A wheel 13" a wheelbarrow warns: Not for highway use.
Crap, now I need another wheelbarrow for the other side of the road.

Can of self-defense pepper spray warns: May irritate eyes.
May?

Warning on a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer: Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping.
There goes my multi-tasking plan!

Silly Putty package warning: Not for use as earplugs.
I can’t hear you! Wanna guess why?

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
Just take the bag then?

Baby stroller warning: Remove child before folding.
It gets really noisy if you don’t!

Household iron warns: Never iron clothes while they are being worn.
Again with my multi-tasking plan!

A fireplace lighter cautions: Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.
Well, if something is already on fire, I don’t need a lighter.

A handheld massager warns consumers: Don't use while sleeping or unconscious.
They just will not let me multi-task!

Warning on underarm deodorant: Do not spray in eyes.
"Hey, your eyes stink!"
"Yeah, I must have bought the wrong deodorant."

Cardboard car sun shield that keeps sun off the dashboards warns: Do not drive with sun shield in place
Where’s the excitement in that?

Warning on a sharpening stone: Knives are sharp.
If my knives were sharp, I wouldn’t need a stone, now would I?

Bottle water label warns: Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.
And get tagged for littering.

On a box or rat poison: Warning: Has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.
"There seems to be a lot of mice around here."
"Yeah, I'm working on it. I gave them all cancer."

On a Domino's Pizza box: Caution: Contents hot!
Not with my delivery guy!

Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns: Do not use orally.
It’s too big anyway. I tried.

An electric cattle prods warns: For use on animals only
Most of my friends are animals.

A can of air freshener warns: Keep out of reach of children and teenagers
Toddlers are okay then?

Cheap rubber ball toy warning: Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball.
Let’s find out!

Caution on a package of dice: Not for human consumption.
Somebody ate these?

In the manual of a chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand.
So my buddy's hand is okay to use then?

Stamped on the barrel of a .22 caliber rifle: Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.
It's the same with proper use!

Instructions for an electric thermometer: Do not use orally after using rectally.
True dat! And somebody did this?

On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack: Remove plastic before eating.
Which part is the plastic?

A TV remote controller warns: Not dishwasher safe.
Great, now I’m stuck with a dirty remote!