Blonde

Blonde Construction Worker
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch when the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building!"
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too!"
The blonde guy opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping as well!"
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping.
She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde guy's wife.

"Don't look at me. He made his own lunches."

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Blonde Escort
A beautiful blonde woman walked over to an obviously successful and well-dressed businessman in a lounge.
She purred to him, “For two hundred dollars, I’ll do anything you want.”
“Really!“ the businessman said as he became visibly excited and immediately reached for his wallet.
Offering the money to the woman, he smiled and said, “Paint my house.”

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Blonde Engineers

A blonde engineering student was walking across campus when another blonde engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle.

"Where did you get such a great bike?" asked the first.
The second blonde engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first blonde engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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If God Were Blonde

A Catholic Priest and a Nun were out having a round of golf.
The priest stepped up to the tee and took a mighty swing.He missed the ball entirely and said, "Shit, I missed."

Sister Marie told him to watch his language.

At the next swing he missed again, "Shit, I missed."

"Father, I am not going to play with you if you keep swearing."

The priest promises to do better.

At the next tee he misses again, usual reply, "Shit, I missed."

Sister Marie is really mad now and says, "Father, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that."

At the next tee, the priest misses, swears, "Shit, I missed."

Out of the sky comes a gigantic bolt of lighting, which strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks.
Then the skies open up and a big booming voice says, "Shit, I missed."

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Blonde On Blonde

A blonde is out for a walk.

She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo" she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?"

The second blonde looks up the river then down the river

then shouts back, "You are on the other side."

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The Blonde Handyman
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder and anything else she might need was in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked.

"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."