Ohioian

The Land Between The Lake And The River

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You know you're from Ohio if...

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You don't think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami.

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You snicker when someone's from Tiffin,

because you think of the State Hospital.

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You think Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange!

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You've heard of 3.2% beer.

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Schools close for the state basketball tournament. Deer season, too.

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You're proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.

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You know all the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter,

Almost Winter, and Construction.

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You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

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You know what a buckeye really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

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"Toward the lake" means "north" and "toward the river" means "south."

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You've heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot.

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You know if other Ohioians are from southern or northern Ohio

as soon as they open their mouths.

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You root for a college team though you've never taken a class there.

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You can spell words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine,and Tuscarawas *(Wapakoneta?) and you know which letter is doubled in "Cincinnati."

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You always visit more than two amusement parks in one summer.

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You know that Serpent Mounds were not made by snakes.

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You know what game they're playing when the Mud Hens take on the Clippers.

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"Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point or King's Island.

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You measure distance in minutes.

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Down south to you means Kentucky.

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Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

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Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

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You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

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You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

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You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

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You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.

Example: "Where's my coat at?"

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You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

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You think of the major four food groups as

beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

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You carry jumper cables in your car.

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You know what pop is.

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You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

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Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

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You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.

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The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page

but requires 6 pages for sports.

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You think that deer season is a national holiday.

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You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

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You thought that the Michael Stanley Band was the most popular band in the country.

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You actually understand these jokes!

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