Sunday, February 17, 2008

Trouble With Meat

This site, Exotic Meats, was suggested to me by Blake, who is an extremely bright person (hey, he reads the Riverbank!).

So I checked it out, and I had a problem with them.

Here is the conversation I had with them.

**********************

“Hi, I’d like to order some of your bizarre food.”
“Bizarre? I guess that’s one way to put it.”
“Why? What do you call it?”
“We call it exotic.”
“We? How many people am I talking to?”
“Just me, sir.”
“What’s this ‘we’ shit? Are you schizophrenic?”
“No sir, I meant…”
“Try to focus. I’m trying to order some food here.”
“Yes sir. What would you like?”
“I’d like some Dodo bird.”
“We don’t have Dodo bird, they are extinct.”
“Really, when did this happen?”
“Millions of years ago, sir.”
“Oh, well I haven’t heard about it yet. Maybe it will be on the news tonight.”
“Maybe, sir. What else would you like?”
“How about kangaroo, are they extinct?”
“No sir, we have kangaroo.”
“Good, all of you send me a kangaroo then.”
“We… I can send you a piece of one, sir.”
“A piece? Oh, I get it. I gotta pay the ransom or you keep sending me pieces of him, right?”
“No sir, we sell them by the piece.”
“But doesn’t he die from that?”
“Well, yes.”
“So he’s gonna be dead when he gets here then?”
“Yes.”
“Boy, that’s so “Weekend At Bernie’s” like. But they are easier to eat when they are dead, you know?”
“I bet.”
“You would win that bet!”
“So do want to order this then?”
“You have a package special, right?
“Yes we do.”
“And it says, “And now take advantage of our returned flat rate ground shipping charge of only $39.95 to 32 of the 50 states.” Is that correct?”
“Yes sir, that’s correct.”
“Okay, I’ll take that then. Let’s see, I’ll want that shipped to California, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Michigan… let’s see, how many is that so far?”
*click*
“Hello?”

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