Wednesday, April 02, 2008

I Have Some Questions


I am the reason why Radio Shack stopped using that ad slogan!

*****

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car-pool lane?
Can you cry under water?
Can bald people have hairline fractures?
What's the difference between a novel and a book?
How old do you have to be before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie, do they still show it?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If you have a cold 'Hot Pocket', is it just a 'Pocket'?
If humans evolved from monkeys and apes, why are monkeys and apes still here?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why is the show called ‘Unsolved Mysteries’? If they were solved, they wouldn't be mysteries.
Do penguins have knees?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really it’s coming on?
Why do people tell you to not stand in front of an emergency exit? If there were an emergency, surely you would run through it, not block it.
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up for free?
In libraries, do they place the Bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken”, they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down, do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Do they call a fortuneteller who can’t see a "blind seer"?
Why do you put two cents in when it’s only a penny for your thoughts?
The signs on restaurant doors reads, “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service". What if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
Am I getting annoying?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
Why doesn't colored gum turn your mouth that color?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
Why do we say we're 'head over heels' when we're happy? Isn't that how we normally are?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water, how did she bathe?
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant, do they have to wear hairnets?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state, 'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness'?
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
When the French swear, do they say pardon my English?
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with Hell? Is Hell slow or fast?
If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the serving size for little cans be two cans?
If a King is gay and marries another guy, what is that guy to the royal family?
Why are red buttons always the most important?
How is chess considered a sport?
How about now? Am I annoying yet?
Why is it when your sleeping its called drool but when you’re awake it’s called spit?
If a hermaphrodite were sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it be sent to?
If you get chemotherapy, do you lose your pubic hairs?
Would you die if you didn't pee?
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
Why do people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can, yet the moment you do anything childish they tell you to grow up?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
When Atheists go to court, they can't swear on the Bible, can they?
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
If ketchup is good on french fries, why isn’t it good on mashed potatoes?
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
Why is it when people ask you "what would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"?
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
Can you slam a revolving door?
What would it mean if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
If Winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it with his hands? Didn't he have spoons?
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Can you read a picture book?
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
Why does it say “Do not operate heavy machinery” on the back of children’s Tylenol? I mean really, could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off of those bulldozers?
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
If you're on an American airplane, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
What shape is the sky?
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
Why does it say "May contain peanuts" on peanut butter jars? Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
If you only have one eye, are you blinking or winking?

If you have a gun and you ask, "Can I ask you a question?" and they say "Fire away", do you shoot them?
Are you annoyed yet? I've got more!
Is a chickpea a chick or a pea?
Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?
Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers?
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?
Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?
Why do blacklights look purple?
Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni?
Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them?
Why is the Bible the most stolen book when one of the Ten Commandments is "Thou shall not steal"?

Why isn't the caps lock capitalized?
If someone with a nose ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot doesn’t blow out everywhere?
Isn't it odd that if you rearrange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"?
Why, whenever you start to sing, do you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk?
Why do people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it?
If a pope goes to the bathroom, is it considered holy crap?
You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? Why bother doing that if you don’t care?
Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple?
If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, why wasn't Tattoo 6'6”?
Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date?
If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out?
Why do they put holes in crackers?
Why is it, on TV, the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?
Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse?
You're not still reading, are you? You masochist!
If all of Acme’s products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them?
Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach?
Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread?
Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off?
Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"?
If you have a pet with two heads do you have to name both heads?
Why can't liquor freeze?
If you dig a hole in the south pole, are you digging up or down?
Why don’t they add the time that we are in the womb to our age?
Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack?
Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?
Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?
Can a schoolteacher give a homeless child homework?
Do babies produce more spit than adults?
Why are French fries not considered a vegetable. They are just deep fried potatoes.
Do cows have calf muscles?
Why is shampoo clear but not conditioner?
If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players?
If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke?
Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured, would they remember that they forgot?
Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to-earth at the same time?
Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself?
Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold?
At what temperature does it qualify as hot?
Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread?
Why are toy hippos always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Most packages say "Open here”. What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Let me know when I reach annoying!
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "Degraded"?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar not called a racist?
Why don't you ever see baby pigeons?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we have hot water heaters? Don’t they heat cold water?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do tugboats push their barges?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why is it that Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
I can't believe yoy're still with me!
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell another?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how could you treat them?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Can I be arrested for running into a Fire House yelling “Movie! Movie!”?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
What would you use to dilute water?
Why are overtones and undertones the same thing?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
Now I'm starting to annoy myself! But we are all masochists. Yes we are, keep reading.
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
What would Cheese say if it had it’s picture taken?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
If you're in Hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
If you are cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
How does Santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Why do the Alphabet song, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
Why do grocery stores have so many checkout line registers if they only keep three or four open?
How can something be new and improved? If it's new, what was it improving on?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
You don't think you're a masochist? I'll prove it at the end!
Why do thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
How can you hear yourself think?
How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of skating rinks?
Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves?
And if so, aren't we all masochists?

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