How To Sing The Blues

From Carl.

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Most Blues begin "woke up this morning."
"I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in right away: I got a good woman - with the meanest face in town.
Blues are simple. After you have the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes. Sort of.
The Blues are not about limitless choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; isn’t no way out.
A man with male pattern baldness isn’t the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg while skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg when your broken-down pickup truck rolled over on it is.
You can’t have the Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is just plain wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
Good places to have the Blues: the highway, a jailhouse, an empty bed, the bottom of a whiskey glass.
Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' the Blues isn’t never had much a chance for education.
It gots to be dark to sing the blues, preferably after midnight. Singin' da blues at noon is forbidden.
If none of the above works, try one last, pathetic stab at authenticity: name your guitar. Remember, Lucille is taken.

Epitaph on a blues musician's tombstone: "I didn't wake up this morning."