Sunday, June 22, 2008

New Geno Facts Exposed!

Geno was born standing up and talking back. When the doctor said to his Mom, “Congratulations, it’s a boy”, Geno slapped the doctor and said, “Don't call me boy!”

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to Geno.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Geno can stretch diamonds back into coal.

Geno is the only person who can slam a revolving door.

Geno is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Geno does not swim. This is because when Geno enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Geno simply walks across the pool floor.

Geno built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.

Helen Keller's favorite color was Geno.

Geno eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Geno would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

The Sherman tank was originally called the Geno tank until Geno decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Geno, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been bad-ass enough to be named after Geno.

Geno does not "style" his hair. It lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

There is no such thing as global warming. Geno was cold, so he turned the sun up.

It's widely believed that Jesus was Geno's stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Geno's skin.

Geno did, in fact, build Rome in a day.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Geno. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Geno.

Geno once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper, insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Contrary to popular belief, Geno doesn't play God. Playing is for children.

Geno is the only person in the world who can actually email a middle finger.

Geno can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Some kids play 'Kick the Can'. Geno played 'Kick the Tanker'.

When Geno was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him twelve year old whiskey, straight out of the bottle.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Geno can actually knock you into yesterday.

Geno invented a language that incorporates punches and kicks. So next time Geno is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

Fear is not the only emotion Geno can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get my ass kicked by Geno."

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Geno finds it delicious.

Geno wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.

The Bible was originally titled "Geno and Friends"

Geno can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Nagasaki never had an Atomic Bomb dropped on it. Geno jumped out of a plane, hit the ground and punched it.


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