Drunkeness

Here is a another story about drunkeness. I'm getting less and less patient with drunks. I know this one fellow who drinks too much (where do I find them). Dennis is his name. He went out on the boat with me one time and, of course, drank way too much. A storm was coming in so I was in a hurry to get the boat out of the water and back on the trailer. I pulled up to the dock fast and asked Dennis to hang on to the dock lines. Do not let them go I told him, I'll be right back with the trailer. He held on tight like it was his mission in life. I backed the trailer in and ran to grab the front dock line to pull the boat up to the trailer. It wasn't moving. Dennis said I, let go of the dock line. Nothing. DENNIS LET GO OF THE ROPE. Again, nothing. He held tight. A fellow saw my predicament and came to help as the weather deteriorated. He tried to wrestle the line away from Dennis, nothing doing. I yelled to him "just cut it, I don't care". He finally got the rope away from Dennis in what can only be described as a stroke of genius. He grabbed a beer from my on deck cooler and threw it. Off went Dennis after the beer, and I got the boat on the trailer. As we drove away I asked him why he wouldn't let go of the rope. He said I told him not to. Did you think I meant forever? He never thought that far ahead. Lord help me.

So the next time he went with me (quite some time later) I had just installed a new Superwinch on my trailer. A powered winch with a remote control. It is rated for boats up to 33,600 pounds. Mine is 8,000. Overkill? Hey, I like easy. Plus there is a bonus. I'm getting to it.

Dennis had promised not to drink on Sunday as that is the day we would be loading the boat and heading home. A drunk's promise as it turned out. So as we headed in Sunday evening Dennis was in his drunken glory. I smiled and hoped for a replay. I docked and told Dennis to hold on tight to the line. I'll get the trailer. Got back and not only would he not let go of the line, but my friend from the last time (the beer thrower?) was there. Perfect, I think. Dennis, I yell, let go of the rope. Nothing. The guy asks me if he should cut the line or throw a beer. Neither I tell him, just watch. Here comes my bonus. I hook up the winch cable and hit the remote. We've got us a tug of war. My money's on the winch. Dennis is losing ground. But he looks determined. I'm smiling. The other guy is smiling. Dennis is fighting for all he's worth. Go Dennis go we yell. He's running out of dock. Surely he'll let go, I think. Nope. SPLASH. Now I'm laughing. Other guy is laughing. The dockmaster is telling Dennis he can't swim around the docks. I mention that it looks like he can. I'm thinking nothing can be dumber. We fish him out and I tell him to get changed. He's not getting in my truck wet. He does, right there in front of God and everyone. Now the whole marina is laughing. I decide not to test drunken wisdom any further.

The story you have just read is true. The names were NOT changed to embarass the stupid.