Not The News

Grease Fire Rages Through Midwest

MILWAUKEE—A raging grease fire has spread across the southern half of Wisconsin and into the neighboring states of Illinois, Iowa, and Minnesota, killing at least eight and leaving hundreds injured or missing after the intense heat and acrid odor of charred pork and cheese-filled breading overwhelmed the region.

Arm & Hammer donated 100,000 pounds of baking soda to help extinguish the massive blaze.Six of the dead reportedly tried to put out the grease flames with water, causing the fire to spread; two others perished after running back into their burning homes to save bacon still cooking on their stoves.

"The main problem is it's being fed at every turn. The homes and businesses here are oversaturated with corn dogs, melted cheese, and any number of deep-fried items," Tolley said. "Every time we think we have it under control, it hits a Hardee's and everything turns to chaos."

This is from The Onion, one of the finest sources on non-news out there today. You might want to check it out.