Nautical Terms

I have a boat. Consequently, I use nautical terms (boat speak). This can become a problem when I have non-boaters (land lubbers) aboard.
I might need to do something while underway, and I'll ask someone to 'man the helm'. They look at me like I'm speaking Chinese.

"What's a helm?"
"That's a helm."
"That's a dashboard."
"No, dashboards are in cars. This is a boat."
"Why didn't you just say dashboard?"
"Because I was afraid you would go to your car."

And so on. Or I might say, "Stand watch to starboard." I always get blank stares. Or maybe a "What's a starboard?"
"It's a direction, that way."
"Why didn't you just say right?"
"Because we are on a boat. Boats have starboard, port, fore and aft."
"I'll kick your aft."

And of course someone will ask, "Where is the bathroom?"
"On shore. We have a head."

Boats seem to have miles of rope on board. But once it comes aboard it's no longer rope. Now it's 'line'. The big round white things that keep the boat from hitting a dock are commonly referred to as 'bumpers'. But they are actually 'fenders'. The small boats that take you out to your big boat are called 'dinghies'. Let's not go there. Of course if a dinghy is slightly larger, it's called a 'tender'. And if you've ever fallen down in one, the first thing you'll realize is it's not tender.

But if I get into the habit of using normal terms on my boat, then I'll run into a knowledgeable boater who thinks me an idiot.
Of course the nautical community doesn't make it any easier. Aft, stern, transom, they are all the same thing. Bow, fore, stem, again, same thing.

There is a good reason why boaters use a different vocabulary. And if I ever figure out what it is, I'll let you know.