Things Dogs Must Remember

This is a list of fifteen things dogs need to learn. Good luck teaching them.

1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
6. I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it.
7. I will not wake Mom up by sticking my cold, wet nose in her face.
8. I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
9. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
10. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
11. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
12. I will not steal my Mom’s underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
13. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad’s laps.
14. My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
15. I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mom is standing on a slippery grass slope.