Corrine Is Back

Corrine is back and she brought some of the good stuff.

She also brought some stories.

OK, that was a joke, and since it wasn't funny, I'm going to have to turn the site over to Corrine. I think she'll do a great job.

Take it, Corrine.


11 PEOPLE ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping.



Little Paul watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground & go into the woods. Curious, Paul followed the car & saw Daddy & Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Paul found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home & started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big Kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane..." At this point Mommy cut him off & said, "Paul, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Paul to tell his story. Paul started his story, "I was at the playground & I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look & he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane & Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy & Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army.

MORAL: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt someone.



For Those Who Have Kids...
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students... here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve.. we have forbidden fruit"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit! " said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit? " God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you? " said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not! "
"Did too! "
"DID NOT! "
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.
BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

True friends are like angels. They are precious and rare, and false friends are like leaves, found everywhere.

Ok, I'm back. Darn, I didn't know she was going to do that good. You are going to put me out of this job, Corrine.
On second thought, I can use the help.

Thanks, Corrine and come back any time. We love to have you here.