Monday, December 04, 2006

Actors Last Roles

Here are the last roles of some famous actors who probably wish they had left on a different note.


10. Orson Welles
Better known as: The writer, director, and star of Citizen Kane, considered pretty much the best movie of all time
Last role: Unicron in The Transformers: The Movie
To be honest, Orson had pretty much been a laughing stock for years at this point, his career reduced to drunkenly slurring through wine commercials.

9. Richard Harris
Better known as: Venerable English Actor™
Last role: Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
It really wasn't Harris' fault that he appeared in this paint-by-numbers adaptation of the J.K. Rowling novels. He was English, an actor, and alive (at the time), so by law he was required to appear.

8. River Phoenix
Better known as: The handsome, talented Phoenix brother
Last role: James Wright in The Thing Called Love
Phoenix had a Midas touch when it came to nabbing key roles in classic flicks (Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and The Mosquito Coast), so he probably shrugged off the fact that no one saw this country music-themed dramedy.

7. Jack Lemmon
Better known as: A comedy legend
Last role: Narrator in The Legend of Bagger Vance
After 30 or 40 years of doing just about everything, he probably saw this as a quick gig that didn't require much effort. Too bad his voice is forever linked with a movie that made golf more boring.

6. Paul Gleason
Better known as: That asshole
Last role: Sheriff Halderman in Abominable
The name might not ring a bell, but you know the face of Principal Richard "You Mess With the Bull, You Get the Horns" Vernon from The Breakfast Club, and Deputy Police Chief Dwayne "At Least I Didn't Just Get Butt****ed on National TV" Robinson in Die Hard.

5. Don Knotts
Better known as: Your grandfather's Jim Carrey
Last role: Sniffer in Air Buddies
Yes, it's sad that our beloved Mr. Furley had to cement his legacy by providing the voice of a rascally, digitally enhanced dog in his final role. But what's sadder is that there have been, like, six Air Bud movies. Six!

4. Marlon Brando
Better known as: First half of career—Best Actor of His Generation. Second half of his career—Batshit Crazy Fat Ass.
Last role: Don Vito Corleone in The Godfather Video Game
Normally, a video game acting gig wouldn't count, but the fact that Brando trotted out his—at that point—tired Don Corleone act for a half-assed Grand Theft Auto cash-in was pathetic. Now if the game had the option to unlock the Muu-Muu wearing Island of Dr. Moreau Brando as a playable character, it might be a different story.

3. John Candy
Better known as: The guy who was funny and fat, not just funny because he was fat
Last role: Sheriff Bud B. Boomer in Canadian Bacon
If you don't have a favorite John Candy film, you either have no sense of humor, or you're Horatio Sanz (if the latter is the case, stop being such a jealous bitch). But odds are, Canadian Bacon isn't on your list.

2. Raul Julia
Better known as: A rich man's Jimmy Smits
Last role: Gen. M. Bison in Street Fighter
After a career filled with powerful dramas, classy comedies, and "important" films, Julia kicked it shortly after wrapping this monstrosity.

1. Mel Gibson
Better known as: The Lord of All He Surveys (Malibu)
Last role: Dr. Gibbon in The Singing Detective
After setting his Hollywood bridges ablaze after a night of drinking and anti-Semitism, his career is colder than all the corpses on this list. You might have heard of his last project: Christ Wars: Episode 1—The Jewish Menace. It only made a bajillion silver pieces.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tramp, who put this list together? There are several that I don't agree with, Jack Lemon for example. Also, I don't think those who still have career potential should be included. You know Mel will go on to make several more films. Hollywood, will soon forgot his actions, especially if they think his presences will bring in more money. Its all about the Benjamins.

Monday, December 04, 2006 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Tramp said...

I'm sure the writer intended the last item as a joke. We all know Mel will continue to thrive.

Monday, December 04, 2006 12:28:00 PM  

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