Female Matchmaker Ads

From Irene.

40-ish...... ........................... ... 48-50
Adventurer.. ........................ ... Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic.... ......... ..................... Flat-chested
Average looking..... .................... Ugly
Beautiful... ......... ..................... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile....................... . Bring your penicillin
Educated.... ......... .................... College dropout
Emotionally Secure...................... Medicated with Prozac
Feminist.... ........................... ... Fat; ball buster
Free spirit...... .......................... Substance user
Friendship first......................... . Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun......... ............................ ... Annoying
Gentle...... ........................... ... Comatose
Good Listener.... ........................ Borderline Autistic
New-Age..... .......................... ... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned. ................. ........ . Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded. ........................ ... Desperate
Outgoing.... .......................... ... Loud
Passionate.. ........................... ... Loud
Poet........ ......... ...................... Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional. ........................... .. Real Witch
Redhead..... .......................... ... Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque. ......................... ... Grossly Fat
Romantic.... ........................... ... Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous.. ........................... ... Very Fat
Weight proportional to hei. ......... ...Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.... ....................... One step away from stalking
Widow....... ............................ ... Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart....... ...................... Toothless crone