The History Of Valentine's Day

Here is the complete and little known history of that odd day in February.
This was written and researched by yours truely.



Valentine’s Day was created many years ago because of a flying dwarf who likes to shoot people with arrows. This sadistic bastard only appeared one day a year, on February 14.

An intelligent fellow named Joe Valentine responded by creating an event on that day in which no one would be alone. People would pair off together in order to help keep a lookout for this violent and dangerous criminal. The miserable half-pint also seemed to be repelled by flowers and candy, so couples would carry those items with them.

This plan seems to have worked, as there have been no attacks by the cantankerous shrimp in many years.

The dwarf is called ‘Cupid‘, a name that has probably changed over the years from ‘Stupid‘.

Be sure to have a partner on this day, which, again, falls on February 14.

We will be forced to continue this ritual until such a day when this may happen.
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SOURCE: I made it up!