The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly: Your 13 year old daughter has them.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your husband understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than you.

Good: Your son's finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: You give the birds and bees speech to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Ugly: With corrections.

Good: Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: You came home for a quickie.
Bad: The postman had the same idea.
Ugly: You have to wait.

Good: The postman's early.
Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun.
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas.

Good: Your wife meets you at the door nude.
Bad: She's coming home.
Ugly: With a boyfriend.

Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: You're arrested.
Ugly: By your husband.

Good: Your son is dating someone new.
Bad: It's another man.
Ugly: He's your best friend.

Good: Your vibrator is phenomenal.
Bad: You can't find your vibrator.
Ugly: Your daughter "borrowed" it.

Good: You came home for a quickie with a mistress.
Bad: Your wife walks in on you.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: You go to see a strip show.
Bad: Your daughter's the headliner.
Ugly: You're a politician.

Bad: Your wife's leaving you.
Ugly: For another woman.

Good: Your wife is drop-dead gorgeous.
Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting.
Ugly: She implicates you.

Good: Your boyfriend's exercising.
Bad: So he'll fit in your clothes.
Ugly: To release his inner Drug Queen.

Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Ugly: They are the same sex.

Good: Your daughter's on the Pill.
Bad: She's eleven.
Ugly: She's been taking it for 2 years.

Good: Your kids don't fight.
Bad: Your children are sexually active.
Ugly: With each other.

Good: Your neighbor exercises naked.
Bad: He weighs 350 pounds.
Ugly: You have no fences.

Good: Your wife's kinky.
Bad: With the neighbors.
Ugly: All of them.

Good: Your wife likes outdoor sex.
Ugly: You live downtown.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do!!