More From Steven Wright

- I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
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- I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how to get out.
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- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
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- I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
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- I photocopied a mirror. Now I have an extra photocopy machine.
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- Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.

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- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

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- I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

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- I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

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- I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.

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