Tools And Their Proper Uses

This post is to inform any novices of the proper usage of tools, which is very important in maintaining today's expensive equipment. I dedicate this post to Slyeyes, who is a tool expert in her own right.


TOOLS AND THEIR USAGE

* HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
* MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on boxes containing seats and motor-
cycle jackets.
* HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
* WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for, the last 15 minutes.
* DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your iced tea across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.
* WIRE WHEEL: Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouc...."
* HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering a motorcycle to the ground after you have installed your new front disk brake set-up, trapping the jack handle firmly under the front fender.
* TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters.
* PHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.
* SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog- doo off your boot.
* BATTERY ELECTROLYTE TESTER: A handy tool for transferring sulfuric acid from a car battery to the inside of your tool box after determining that your battery is dead as a door
nail, just as you thought.
* PRYBAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
* HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.