What Women Want

I've always enjoyed humor from Dennis Miller. It's kind of a hi brow humor, but the sarcasm is what I like. This piece will make you think. Yes, it's humor. No, he's not kidding.

Dennis Miller's Advice to Men About What Women Want

1 - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.

2 - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to subtly steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.

3 - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity and power they possess as lifegivers and come up with some decent, affordable childcare. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and get off welfare and we won't have to listen to any more idiots in Congress blathering about orphanages.

4 - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys. Look at... say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle next to you. You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's a slacking, worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30 percent less than Carl. Hellooo ...

5 - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask, "Who's your daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.

6 - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming out. Words are kind of important.

7 - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the- hill rock stars to have women their own age in their videos.

8 - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now, Clouseau, you should *know* if she came.

9 - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to ask for directions.

10 - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off your dick in your sleep, take it like a man.