Southern Lady

From Corrine.

A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day.
As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' (ready) to jump.
She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, "Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of Robert E. Lee."
He replied, ''Who's Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you dumb ass Yankee."

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The reference to 'fixin' reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend of mine who is proud to be a hillbilly. I stopped at his house one day just as he was leaving.
I said, "What's up?"
"We is repairin' to to go shoppin'", said he.
I said, "You mean 'preparing'. Repair means to fix"
He said, "That's right. We's fixin' to go!"