Irish Humor

Here is some humor you can use tonight while drinking your green beer.

A German spy is sent to Ireland during World War II.
The German is instructed to meet an Irish spy named Murphy and confirm Murphy's identity by saying, "The weather could change by Tuesday."
After the German parachutes into Ireland, he sets off for town. Along the way, he asks a farmer where he might find a man named Murphy.
"Well, sir, it all depends on which Murphy," says the farmer. "We have Murphy the doctor, Murphy the postal carrier, Murphy the stone mason and Murphy the teacher. As a matter of fact, I, too, am Murphy, Murphy the farmer."
The German gets an idea. "The weather could change by Tuesday," he says.
"Aye," says the farmer, "you'll be wanting Murphy the spy."

A young Irishman tells his mother he's in love. Just for fun, he brings home three girls and asks his mother to guess which of the three he has chosen to be his bride.
After his mother interviews all three, she says, "Your fiancée is the one in the middle."
"That's amazing, ma. How did you know?"
"Because I don't like her."

Pat explained to Mike why his valiant effort to scale Mount Everest fell short.
"Aye," says Pat, "I would have made it to the top had I not run out of scaffolding."

A boasting American said to O'Connor, “Back in the States we can erect a block of skyscrapers in about 2 weeks“.
O'Conner replied, “We can start a row of houses in the morning and on the way home from work the bailiffs will be putting the tenants out for being behind with the rent“

.An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman...
The first man says, "Watch this..."
He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a faggot."
The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that."
So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite faggot!"
The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?"
So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends.
When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!"
So he walks over to the Irishman ans says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!"And the Irishman replies, "
Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."