Take This Test

From Irene.

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Please take the following Manliness Assessment:

1) In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
a) lovemaking.
b) screwing.
c) the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town.

2) You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
b) your blood-test results.
c) five tequila slammers.

3) You time your orgasm so that:
a) your partner climaxes first.
b) you both climax simultaneously.
c) you don't miss Sports Center.

4) Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) healthy, creative love-play.
b) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to.
c) not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about.

5) Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) the best part of the experience.
b) the second best part of the experience.
c) $100 extra.

6) Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours.
b) not a problem, she can join your gym.
c) a conservative estimate.

7) You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) a myth.
b) an oxymoron.
c) a moron.

8) Foreplay is to sex as:
a) appetizer is to entree.
b) primer is to paint.
c) a line is to an amusement park ride.

9) Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."

10) A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate
a) probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
b) is uptight and a waste of time.
c) shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating the results:

If you answered "a" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "b" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
If you answered "c" more than 7 times, "You DA MAN!"