The List

I called a friend today in the hope that I would get his voicemail. I wanted to leave him a Christmas message in my own peculiar style.

I did get his voicemail, and here is the message I left for him.

“Hello, this is Santa Claus calling from the North Pole.

That’s right, I’m Santa Claus!
I was going over my Naughty and Nice lists when I noticed your name at the top of the Naughty list.
I mean way up there, you broke all the records.
So I figured I’d bring you a lump of coal.
But then I thought that you would simply burn it to make heat, thus making it a good gift.
Now I don’t know what to do.
Are you happy? You fucked up Santa Claus!”