Stupid Criminals

Criminals are a stupid lot. They will devise a plan to do wrong without considering all of the possibilities. This is a true story. It happened to me a few years ago.

I was driving to Florida to visit my parents. Travelling through South Carolina on 26, I noticed the gas gauge was getting low. It was late, after midnight, when I took an exit that had 24 hour gas. It was a rundown looking place but I wasn't moving in, I just wanted gas.

I am filling up when a shady looking fellow came walking around my car. As he got close, he pulled a gun out of his pocket and asked for my wallet. I considered his request for a few seconds and decided that I'd rather not give it to him. But I'm a nice guy, I didn't want to see him leave empty handed. And here is where things happened fast.

I pulled the gas nozzle out of my car, pointed it at him and washed him down in gasoline. He never considered that, I could tell by the look on his face. Now his gun, an asset only seconds ago, had become a liability. One shot and he would ignite himself. He looked down at himself and upon looking back up at me, he noticed me flicking my lighter. Boy that man could run. And he did, with me in hot pursuit trying to remind him that he had forgotten to take my wallet. I'm helpful that way. "Wait", I yelled, "you forgot this! Where are you going?" He no longer seemed interested in my wallet. I thought to myself, "Boy, you could really use my wallet now. You need some new clothes".

I stopped chasing him at the end of the parking lot and left him with some excellent advice. I yelled, "And remember, smoking kills!"