The Darwin Awards

Here is Carrie with this years Darwins.

I never know if there is truth here or not, but for some reason, my twisted sense (?) of humor revels in this type of report....perhaps because on the days that I stick the tv remote in the fridge, I can at least think that I am not using a lighter to find a gas leak....hmmmm

Subject: Darwin Awards 2006

I think the average IQ of "rocket scientists" has recently increased a bit...(read more below)

It's that time again. The Darwin Awards are finally out, the annual honor given to the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out.

This year's winner was a real rocket scientist-really!

And the nominees were:

Semifinalist #6:

A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #5:

Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

Semifinalist #4:

A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."

Semifinalist #3:

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend-no doubt, a future Darwin Awards candidate-was hospitalized.

Semifinalist #2:

Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.

And the winner is (drum roll please)!!

Now ladies and gentleman,
the #1 Winner of this year's Darwin Award:

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver (and soon to be pilot) would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on the ground.

A Warning From Southern Girl

Important Warning For The Ladies

READ CAREFULLY!
I don't how many of you shop at Sam's Club or Costco, but this may be useful to know. I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
This happened to me and it could happen to you!!
Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 23-year-old well-built guys come over to your car as you are packing your shopping in the trunk. They both are shirtless and start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their highly-defined chest muscles and rock-hard abs exposed. It's impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Sam's Club or Costco. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start talking dirty about what they want to do to you. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and begins kissing your neck and begs you to pull over so he can make love to you!! While this is going on the other guy steals your purse!!

I had my purse stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Saturday, yesterday, and most likely tomorrow.

New Blog

A friend of mine has a new blog up and running. He emailed me to let me know about it.

He had a blog going before, but he became too busy to stay with it. Now he has redesigned it and is posting to it.

Perhaps you've heard of him? His name is Ben Roethlisberger. His hobbies include playing football and winning Super Bowls. He used to ride a motorcycle but had to give it up.

Something about his job, I guess.

Here is his newest entry.

November 29th, 2006
Hello everyone! I'm finally back, and I am thankful for all of your continued support. It means more than you know. For those of you that have been on the site before, and for all the newcomers, I hope you enjoy the newly designed site and all it has to offer. There are some pretty cool things to buy in the store, and I want the forum to be a fun place to interact with people...

See his blog here.

Breaking News, Really!

This has got to be a good sign.

From CNN.


Report: Iraq panel to advise pullback, no timetable
The independent, bipartisan panel studying U.S. policy in Iraq has unanimously agreed to a report that will call for a gradual pullback of American combat troops in Iraq but stops short of setting a firm timetable for withdrawal, The New York Times is reporting.

Freebies

Normally I don't post freebies until I have at least five of them, but the coffee mug offer is too good to hold back.

They might run out!

USPS Coffee Mug

Badger Foot Balm

Coke Rewards

Little Geno And Little Corrine

Little Geno walked home from school past little Corrine’s house everyday.

One day little Corrine was playing outside, so little Geno walked up to her with his brand new football and said, "See this football? This is a boy’s toy and only boys can play with this".

So little Corrine got angry and ran inside to tell her mother.

The very next day little Corrine showed her brand new football to little Geno, who got angry and ran home.

The next day little Geno showed up with a brand new boy's bike and said" See this bike? This is a boys toy and only boys can play with it".

So little Corrine got angry and ran inside to tell her mother, and the very next day had a brand new boy's bike.

Little Geno got so angry he pulled down his pants and said" You see this, only boys can have this, girls can't".

And again little Corrine ran inside to tell her mother.

The next day little Geno came back and asked her if she had gotten one.

Little Corrine pulled up her shirt and said, "My mommy says as long as I have a pair of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

Unbelievable!!!

Corrine submitted this story to me. I always research material for publication on this site to insure it's validity.

It pains me greatly to report that this story and it's figures are true and pretty accurate.

We are currently pursuing terrorists who do a fraction of this amount of killing, but we turn a blind eye to these individuals.

As Corrine asks, why?

Here is her report. You had better sit down.


This is just horrendous! It should be front page news and leading the TV news every single night. AND we can do something about it ... But we don't. Why???


Illegal Aliens Murder 12 Americans Daily
Death toll in 2006 far overshadows total U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq, Afghanistan
© 2006 WorldNetDaily.com
WASHINGTON While the military "quagmire" in Iraq was said to tip the scales of power in the U.S. midterm elections, most Americans have no idea more of their fellow citizens men, women and children were murdered this year by illegal aliens than the combined death toll of U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan since those military campaigns began.

If those numbers are correct, it translates to 4,380 Americans murdered annually by illegal aliens. That's 21,900 since Sept. 11, 2001.

Total U.S. troop deaths in Iraq as of last week were reported at 2,863. Total U.S. troop deaths in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Uzbekistan during the five years of the Afghan campaign are currently at 289, according to the Department of Defense.
But the carnage wrought by illegal alien murderers represents only a fraction of the pool of blood spilled by American citizens as a result of an open border and un-enforced immigration laws.

But the carnage wrought by illegal alien murderers represents only a fraction of the pool of blood spilled by American citizens as a result of an open border and un-enforced immigration laws.

While King reports 12 Americans are murdered daily by illegal aliens, he says 13 are killed by drunk illegal alien drivers for another annual death toll of 4,745. That's 23,725 since Sept. 11, 2001.

A report by the AAA Foundation for Traffic Study found 20 percent of fatal accidents involve at least one driver who lacks a valid license. In California, another study showed that those who have never held a valid license are about five times more likely to be involved in a fatal road accident than licensed drivers.

Statistically, that makes them an even greater danger on the road than drivers whose licenses have been suspended or revoked and nearly as dangerous as drunk drivers.
King also reports eight American children are victims of sexual abuse by illegal aliens every day a total of 2,920 annually.

In April 2005, the Government Accountability Office released a report on a study of 55,322 illegal aliens incarcerated in federal, state, and local facilities during 2003. It found the following:

*The 55,322 illegal aliens studied represented a total of 459,614 arrests some eight arrests per illegal alien;
*Their arrests represented a total of about 700,000 criminal offenses some 13 offenses per illegal alien;
*36 percent had been arrested at least five times before.


This full article is here.

Lord, help us.

People Born On Today's Date

Happy Birthday to:

Kim Delaney
Andrew McCarthy
Howie Mandel
Garry Shandling
Tramp

The Carb Story

It seems to me that most people have no understanding of carbohydrates and fats whatsoever. People have told me that they believe fat is harmless and carbohydrates are harmful. Anyone who fell for the Atkins, or a similar diet, is harming himself or herself. Atkins was a moron. I’m sure someone will want to debate that.

As far as debate goes, only opinions can be debated. Not facts. Facts are true and proven items and are not available for debate. Facts need to be backed by references to solid research and studies.

Here are some facts.

There are two types of carbs, simple and complex. A human body requires both. Simple carbs are most widely represented by fruit. These are easily digested sugars, which provide the energy your cells require. Vegetables mostly represent complex carbs. A human CANNOT digest these carbs. They pass through your digestive system in a necessary cleansing operation. You CANNOT retain any complex carbohydrates in your body. It would be impossible.

Too many carbs, as with anything else, would not be good for you. Too little and the body suffers because it needs carbs for cleansing and cellular energy. Sugar is good for you and required. I put that in bold because I know many of you don't believe it.

But wait, let me explain.

You are putting natural sugar and refined sugar in the same group. They are NOT alike. Raw sugar, sugar found in whole fruit and the like do not damage your system, but instead help it by providing the cellular energy that no other food can provide. Again, moderation is the key.

Refined sugar is POISON! Avoid it completely if you value your health. This includes white table sugar, soda pop, candy bars, (here is a tough one) ice cream, cakes, pies and the like. They are all deadly, deadly deadly!

But you don't have to live like a monk. Raw sugar is available for use in coffee, tea and baking. It's the only thing I use. Baked goods can be consumed so long as they use a raw sugar instead of that refined crap. Refining sugar makes it more concentrated. So much so that it overloads the human digestion system. And severe over consumption of this refined sugar very likely can result in conditions that are detrimental to your health.

On a different note, I spoke with three of the top doctors in the world concerning fat and carbs. Here is what they had to say.

Dr Moideen Moopen, from India, a world leading physician in cardiovascular health and maintenance, responded with astonishment that someone would believe fat is safe to eat. He indicated that 100 percent of strokes and heart attacks are directly related to the artery clogging fats in American diets. He spoke of the love of fat in America as the sole cause in America leading the world in heart attacks and strokes. He said no other substance we consume becomes deposited in the arteries, only fat.

Dr. Panjikaren, a top cardiovascular surgeon, also from India, said he agreed completely with Dr. Moopen and said that 100 percent of the surgery he performs to install shunts in the main neck arteries are as much as 95 percent clogged with nothing but consumed fat. He said he maintains a low fat diet as he sees the damage fat can do firsthand every day. When I mentioned that a friend consumes pure fat in the belief that it is harmless, he clearly became shocked and then recommended that that person find a good cardiovascular surgeon, as he will need it.

Finally, I spoke with Dr. Joseph, a leading urologist, again from India (does this country make doctors anymore?), who is concerned with digestive health. I asked him about carbs and fats. He stated that both are required for a healthy digestive tract. I asked him what would be the effect of cutting one or the other completely out of your diet. He responded that vegetarians and vegans maintain a reasonable health in the digestive tract but do not get the nourishment the body requires. He said a person couldn’t consume enough vegetables to replace the body's protein requirements. At the other end of this scale, he said someone who chooses a carb free diet has a ticking time bomb in place of a digestive tract. The human digestive tract requires fiber to function normally. Fiber comes from carbohydrates. Eliminate them, he said, and your colon WILL kill you.

So there you have it. Your heart, brain and ass are conspiring against you. These doctors work with these body parts and functions every day. I tend to want to believe that they know what they are talking about. And what they say jives with the research I have done. I have concluded, mainly through the diet of the American Indian, that both are required and good for you. The American Indian's diet was high in carbs (mostly corn), and they were healthier than us and lived longer than us.

Of course, and as always, I believe the key lies in moderation. And moderation sucks. So do taxes. And gas prices, well trained hookers, and... No I'm going off topic here, I'll stop now.

As far as Atkins or any of the other low carb or no carb diets go, I find them insane. How else could you describe eliminating a necessity from your diet? To me, it sounds the same as someone saying, "Stop breathing the air, it's bad for you." True, the air is dirty and probably bad for you, but it is required, and eliminating it will be worse for you. Just like carbs.

As far as fat goes, the doctors I interviewed were not giving me a debatable opinion, they were stating facts. When the good doctor cuts open your carotid artery and scrapes the fat out of it, there is no room for debate. It is FAT coming out of that artery. And that person consumed that fat. It did not just grow there. I have seen this surgery being performed. That stuff in the artery, my friend, was FAT. I have seen a nurse take a blood sample from a grossly obese person and she showed me particles of FAT in the blood. The blood looked like a semi congealed liquid. As we both looked at this disgusting excuse for blood, we agreed that it left no room for debate. That person consumed that fat. And chunky style blood cannot be a good thing.

As far as fat being good for you, I will never agree with that, and neither would you if you ever saw blood like this or observed a surgeon cleaning out the main artery in someone's neck because it was clogged with fat.

Let me leave you with a simple explanation of carbs from the Harvard School of Public Health.

"We've come a long way from the days when one of the knee-jerk answers to the question "What should I eat?" was "Get a lot of carbohydrates." We now know that the staple of most diets, carbohydrates, aren't all good or all bad. Some kinds promote health while others, when eaten often and in large quantities, actually increase the risk for diabetes and coronary heart disease. The resurgence of the Atkins diet and the rise of the South Beach and other low-carbohydrate diets have put the focus on the carbohydrates. While it may be true that easily digested carbohydrates from white bread, white rice, pastries, and other highly processed foods may contribute to weight gain and interfere with weight loss, that doesn't mean all carbohydrates are suspect. Regardless of what you've read or heard about the dangers of carbohydrates, they are an important part of a healthy diet. Carbohydrates provide the body with the fuel it needs for physical activity and for proper organ function. The best sources of carbohydrates - fruits, vegetables, and whole grains - deliver essential vitamins and minerals, fiber, and a host of important phytonutrients."

And of course, after preaching about the importance of references, here are mine.

Harvard School of Public Health
The Medical Library

By posting my references, I hope to show you that this information is not debatable. You cannot argue with facts. Facts have valid research to back them up. These are not opinions, as they are proven through intelligent research and studies.

Character Assassination

A quiz from Carrie.


Everyone has a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon character do you most resemble? (Probably not!)

But anyway, a group of investigators got together and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters.
The information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the questions with what describes you best, add up all your points (which are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.

Do not cheat by looking at the end of the testbefore you are done. Then find out which character is you.

1. Which one of the following describes the perfect date?
a) Candlelight dinner (4 pts.)
b) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
c) Painting in the park (5 pts.)
d) Rock concert (1 pt.)
e) Going to the movies (3 pts.)

2. What is your favorite type of music?
a) Rock and Roll (2 pts.)
b) Alternative (1 pt.)
c) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
d) Country (5 pts.)
e) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type of movies do you prefer?
a) Comedy (2 pts.)
b) Horror (1 pt.)
c) Musical (3 pts.)
d) Romance (4 pts.)
e) Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?
a) Waiter (4 pts.)
b) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
c) Teacher (3 pts.)
d) Police (2 pts.)
e) Cashier (1 pt)

5 . What do you do with your spare time?
a) Exercise (5 pts.)
b) Read ( 4 pts.)
c) Watch television (2 pts.)
d) Listen to music (1 pt.)
e) Sleep (3 pts.)

6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?
a) Yellow (1 pt.)
b) White (5 pts.)
c) Sky Blue (3 pts.)
d) Dark Blue (2 pts.)
e) Red (4 pts.)

7. What do you prefer to eat?
a) Snow (3 pts.)
b) Pizza (2 pts.)
c) Sushi (1 pt.)
d) Pasta (4 pts.)
e) Salad (5 pts.)

8 What is your favorite holiday?
a) Halloween (1 pt.)
b) Christmas (3 pts.)
c) New Year (2 pts.)
d) Valentine's Day (4 pts.)
e) Thanksgiving (5 pts.)

9. If you could go to one of these places which one would it be?
a) Paris (4 pts)
b) Spain (5 pts)
c) Las Vegas (1 pt)
d) Hawaii (4 pts)
e) Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
a) Someone Smart (5 pts.)
b) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
c) Someone who likes to Party (1 pt.)
d) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
e) Someone very sentimental (4 pts.)



Now add up your points and find out the answer you have been waiting for!

(10-16 points) You are Garfield :
You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do, but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember, your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23 points) You are Snoopy:
You are fun, you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and you are never are out of style. You are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always come home with the family values that you learned. Being married and having children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun times.

(24-28 points) You are Elmo:
You have lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give advice and help out a person i n need. Y ou are very optimistic and you always see the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in
your life.

(29-35 points) You are Sponge Bob Square Pants:
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people, and you will be stress free.

(36-43 points) You are Charlie Brown:
You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your passion con fuse you with reality.

(44-50 points) You are Dexter:
You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles. You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes. Try to do less over thinking every once in a
while to spice things up a bit with spontaneity!

A Different Perspective

This is from Carrie.
And this is now my creed for today.


Best Prayer I Have Heard In A Long Time...


Heavenly Father,

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love.

It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear.

Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity.

Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.


If you tell this to 5 people, then you have a chance to touch 5 people.

Working for God on earth doesn't pay much......

but His retirement plan is out of this world


This is food for thought folks. I sure did do some soul searching when I read it.

Me too! -Tramp

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Just One Week

From Irene.


Three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, decide to join a particular church. All three couples approach the priest and tell him of their wishes.
"Of course we would love to have you all as new members!" he replies, "However first you must all prove your devotion to God by abstaining from sex for one week."
All of the couples agree to these terms and go home.
The next Sunday the priest approaches them.
"So," he says to the elderly couple, "How did it go?"
The man answers, "It was a cakewalk!"
The priest congratulates them and asks the same question of the middle-aged couple.
"Well, I can't say that it was easy, I've had to sleep on the sofa these last few nights, but we made it!"
The priest congratulates the couple and turns to the newlyweds.
"So," he asks, "how did you guys fare?".
"Well the first night wasn't too bad, I slept with my back to her, the second night I had to go sleep on the couch, on the third I slept in my car and the on the fourth I stayed at the office. But on the day of the fifth, I was watching my wife get a can of peaches off the top shelf and her legs looked so good, then she dropped the can and when she bent over to get it, it was more than I could take. I lifted her skirt and banged her right then and there!!"
"Well, son, while I can completely sympathize with you,I am afraid you are no longer welcome in this church."
"Yeah, that's exactly what the manager at the grocery store told me!" the man replied.

This Is What America Is About

A story about an American hero from Corrine.



This is something that you'll never see in the news. The American public need to see pictures like this and needs to realize that what were doing over there is making a difference. Even if it is one little girl at a time.

James Gates, U.S. Navy


This, my friends, is what we need to remember.

.


.

Here is a tough, but heartwarming story and a picture of John Gebhardt in Iraq.
John's wife, Mindy, related that this little girl's entire family was executed. The insurgents intended to execute her also and shot her in the head but they failed to kill her. She was cared for by John's hospital and is healing up, but has been crying and moaning. The nurses said John is the only one who seems to calm her down, so John has spent the last four nights holding her while they both sleep in that chair. The girl is coming along with her healing.
He is a real Star of the war and is representative of what America is trying to do.

Mr. Gebhardt, a hardy "Well Done" to you Sir.

And a 'thank you' is in order as well.

Cool Illusion (?)

From Corrine.


Just Stare At The Barn:

.

Yearbook Photos

Can you guess who these celebrities are from their yearbook photos?

The answers are below.
.

1.2.
.

3.
.

.

4.
.

5.
.

6.

.

.
.

And the answers.
.
.
.
.

1. Montel Williams
2. Gary Shandling
3. Bruce Springsteen
4. Hulk Hogan
5. Howard Stern
6. David Letterman

The Highway Of Life

If only they would take their exits.

.

The Only Woman On Earth

From Irene.


Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable, " Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

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They Must Be Good

.

Every Picture Tells A Story

.

Nuff Said

.

Corrine Asks

WHICH OF THE THREE CUP SIZES PICTURED BELOW EXCITES OLDER MEN THE MOST

A, B, or C??

.

A.

.

.

B

.

.

C.

.

Oh No!

Breaking news from Corrine!

.

Bubba's Rock

Here is a report on a rock from Carrie.

It's a good rock.

Stay with me here!


There is a huge rock near a gravel pit on Hwy. 25 in rural Iowa . For generations, kids have painted slogans, names and obscenities on this rock, changing its character many times. A few months back, the rock received its latest paint job and since then it has been left completely undisturbed. It's quite an impressive sight. Be sure to scroll down and check out the multiple photos (all angles) of the rock.

I thought the flag was draped over the rock, but it's not. It's actually painted on the rock too.

.












.

Here's the artist, Ray "Bubba" Sorensen.

.


.

Now Let's Go Back...

Back to a simpler time, when I had many less birthdays under my belt.

Here is Carrie to tell you all about it.

Black and White
Under age 40? You won't understand!

You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.

Pull a chair up to the TV set,
"Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet."

My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to get food poisoning.

My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too.

Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice pack coolers, but I can't remember getting e.coli.

Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.

The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.

We all took gym, not PE...and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked's (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors.

I can't recall any injuries but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.

Flunking gym was not an option...even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.

Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention. We must have had horribly damaged psyches.

What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.

Oh yeah... and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!

We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.

We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.

I recall the kid from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.

To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?

We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?

LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN'T - SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED.

I WOULDN'T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING.

Pass this to someone and remember that life's most simple pleasures are very often the best!

Peace Plan

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace.
So, here's one plan.

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good 'ole' boys", we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

11) And lastly, bring back the manufacturing from our country, curtail the cheap imports from all over the world and put the middle class back to work in our country.

The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?'

Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

Have Any Leftover Turkey?

Turkey Tetrazzini

1/2 cup butter
2 cups fresh sliced mushrooms (optional)
2 Tbsp. flour
2 cups chicken broth
3/4 cup Half and Half
Salt and pepper to taste
3 Tbsp. dry sherry
2 Tbsp. chopped fresh parsley
3 cups cooked turkey, cut into bit sized pieces
7 oz. cooked spaghetti
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Melt butter in large pan.
Add flour and, while stirring slowly, stir in chicken broth.
Cook over medium heat while stirring until mixture starts to thicken.
Remove from heat and add Half and Half, sherry, parsley and salt and pepper to taste.
Add turkey and cooked spaghetti and mix well.
Pour mixture into an ungreased 13 x 9 inch baking dish and sprinkle with grated Parmesan cheese.
Bake in preheated 350 degree oven for 35 to 40 minutes.


Mashed Potato Pancakes

3 Tbsp. finely chopped onion
1/3 cup butter
4 cups cooked mashed potatoes
2 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup flour

Cook onion in pan in about half of the butter until onion is translucent.
Remove onion from pan with a slotted spoon, allowing the melted butter and pan drippings to remain in the pan.
Combine onion, mashed potatoes and eggs.
Sprinkle with flour.
Add remaining butter to pan and heat to medium/high heat.
Make pancakes out of the potato mixture and cook about 5 minutes each side until browned.

Two More Geno Stories

Inquisitive Little Geno
Little Geno asks his mother how old she is.
Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
Geno then asks his mother how much she weighs.
Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."
Geno then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?"
To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.
On the way to his room, Geno trips over his mother's purse.
When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out.
Geno looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!


Geno The Mighty Hunter
Two hunters, Joe and Geno, were in a lodge, making small talk.
Joe asked Geno, "So, what do you hunt? "
Geno answered "I hunt unicorns."
Joe was startled, but said "Really? How do you do that?"
Geno replied, "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."
Joe said, "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one."
Geno said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!"

Why My Friends Split Up

From Irene.


She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.
Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up, $150.00 for a cut and color, $30.00 for a manicure, $40.00 for a pedicure, $50.00 on vitamins, $300.00 on clothes and $600.00 for a gym membership.
I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
She said she needed it to look pretty for me.
I told her that's what the beer was for.
I don't think she's coming back...

Vicious Rumors

There is an email circulating that seems to reflect badly on certain political partiies.
I'm not going to defend either party. I don't care.
But I will defend the truth.
Thanks to Corrine who brought this to my attention.
Here is that email in part.

"Franklin Roosevelt introduced the Social Security (FICA) program. He promised:
1) That participation in the program would be completely voluntary;
2) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the program;
3) That the money the participants elected to put into the program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year;
4) That the money the participants paid in would be put into the independent "Trust Fund," rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement program, and no other Government program.;
5) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income."

And here is the truth.
Source: Social Security Website

Myth 1: President Roosevelt promised that participation in the program would be completely voluntary
Persons working in employment covered by Social Security are subject to the FICA payroll tax. Like all taxes, this has never been voluntary.
Myth 2: President Roosevelt promised that the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual incomes into the program
The tax rate in the original 1935 law was 1% each on the employer and the employee, on the first $3,000 of earnings. This rate was increased on a regular schedule in four steps so that by 1949 the rate would be 3% each on the first $3,000. The figure was never $,1400, and the rate was never fixed for all time at 1%
Myth 3: President Roosevelt promised that the money the participants elected to put into the program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year
There was never any provision of law making the Social Security taxes paid by employees deductible for income tax purposes. In fact, the 1935 law expressly forbid this idea, in Section 803 of Title VIII.
Myth 4: President Roosevelt promised that the money the participants paid would be put into the independent "Trust Fund," rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement program, and no other Government program
The idea here is basically correct. However, this statement is usually joined to a second statement to the effect that this principle was violated by subsequent Administrations. However, there has never been any change in the way the Social Security program is financed or the way that Social Security payroll taxes are used by the federal government.
The Social Security Trust Fund was created in 1939 as part of the Amendments enacted in that year. From its inception, the Trust Fund has always worked the same way. The Social Security Trust Fund has never been "put into the general fund of the government."
Myth 5: President Roosevelt promised that the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income
Originally, Social Security benefits were not taxable income. This was not, however, a provision of the law, nor anything that President Roosevelt did or could have "promised." It was the result of a series of administrative rulings issued by the Treasury Department in the early years of the program. In 1983 Congress changed the law by specifically authorizing the taxation of Social Security benefits. This was part of the 1983 Amendments, and this law overrode the earlier administrative rulings from the Treasury Department

Blonde's Year In Review

By Corrine.


January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions.... 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because the top was open.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

The New Seven Wonders Of The World

Ever heard of the Mausoleum of Maussollos? How about the Temple of Artemis? They're two of the original Seven Wonders of the World, and they're a little less wonderful since they were destroyed by an earthquake and a fire in A.D. 1494 and 356 B.C. respectively. In fact, only one of the original wonders still stands--the Great Pyramid of Giza. And now that sole remaining ancient wonder is a candidate to become one of the New Seven Wonders of the World.
Source - Yahoo Travel

There is currently a vote going on to determine the new seven wonders of the world. There are twenty one finalists. No, none of them are at Hooters.

You can help decide which they will be. This is your chance to be a part of history. The winners will be announced on Saturday, July 7.

Yes, that's 07/07/07.

Vote here.

One For The Ladies

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Freebies

Free Miniature Bobblehead

The Big Comfy Couch

Dead Sea Scrolls Coffee Mug

FREE Autographed Bookmark

Aveeno Moisturizer Sample And Seed Packet

Shower Caddy

Kleenex Expression Oval

Free 'Race For Tibet' Sticker And Postcard

FREEK Racing Sticker Pack

Sleep Tips

Avoid exercising within three hours of bedtime.
Exercise can stimulate the body by speeding up the heart rate and metabolism.

Avoid smoking six hours before your bedtime.
Nicotine is a stimulant that can keep you awake.

Although at times alcohol may help you fall asleep,
it can disrupt your normal sleep pattern during the second half of the night and leave you feeling tired.

Caffeine can delay your sleep and cause you to wake up during the night.
Avoid caffeinated drinks and foods (coffee, tea, cola, chocolate) after noon.

Avoid drinking fluids before bedtime
to decrease the chance of waking up to use the restroom.


OR


E A T. . .T U R K E Y ! ! !

The Trouble With Email

It's wise to remember how easily email can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in.
Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
P.S. Sure is hot down here.

Sweet's Shopping Tip For "Black Friday" 2006

Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

There's Tax On That

Corrine got ahold of this. Many people never stop to think about the big picture in taxes.

A friend of mine took pleasure in the fact that high earning, wealthy people are being taxed at around 38%. I asked him, "You think 38% is bad?" He said yes. I told him that he and everyone else was paying over 50% and didn't even realize it. Add together all of the taxes below and get ready for a shock.

And this doesn't even cover the tax on stupid people.

It's called The Lottery!


This is pretty scary...

What Happened?

At first I thought this was funny...then I realized the awful truth of it.
Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries,
then Tax his tears.

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers,
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
upon his tomb,
"Taxes drove me
to my doom..."

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It's time to apply
The inheritance tax.


A List Of Some Of The Better Known Taxes

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL License Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Federal Excise Tax On Tires
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax,
Fuel Permit Tax
Gambling Gains Tax
Gasoline Tax (42 cents per gallon)
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Expense Tax
Inventory Tax
Investment Income Tax
IRS Interest Charges
IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Local Income Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Municipal Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge Taxes
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Taxes
State And Local Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax (Wasn't the Lottery suppose to take care of that? -Tramp)
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State And Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone recurring And Non-Recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State And Local Tax
Telephone usage charge Tax
Trailer Registration Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

And let's not forget Traffic Fines And Civil Fines.
They are a tax.

COMMENTS: Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened?

And yet I still have to "press 1" for English...
I hope this goes around the world 10 times.