Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Got Junk?

A request from a friend.


I am the founder of 1-800-GOT-JUNK? and I am looking for some help please.

I am a huge believer in networking and asking for help when it's needed. I thought, why not turn to some of our customers to ask for help, since these are people who truly understand our service.

Our challenge is this. We're building a globally admired brand - we currently have 282 franchise partners in 4 countries - Canada, the United States, Australia and the UK. We often get customers who use us in one market but then find that they can't use us in another market because we don't yet offer service there. To solve this problem, we're trying to find the right franchise partners to start some of our remaining territories (I've attached the list for your reference).

I need to make it clear that we are extremely selective. We had over 4,000 franchise inquiries last year - and we only awarded 70 franchises. We're looking for people who will really live the 1-800-GOT-JUNK? way and deliver on our high standards. We want people who are excited about building a fleet of trucks, a team of outstanding drivers, and are able to get out there and pound the pavement building sales and relationships.

Here's where I am looking for your help please:

We are going to be holding a conference call within the week, led by myself and Laurie Baggio who heads our Franchise Development department.

Do you know of anyone we should invite to be on that call? Someone who may either be a fit with what we are looking for or perhaps they are well connected and know people who'd be a fit?

If you do know of someone, please either email me and I will get that person set up on the call, or ask them to email me directly.

If you don't know of anyone, perhaps you know someone who may know someone? Please feel free to forward this email to friends or family.

Thank you VERY much for any help that you are able to give.


Brian Scudamore Founder & CEO 1-800-GOT-JUNK? To book an appointment call 1-800-468-5865 or on-line at www.1800gotjunk.com.

Hotel Charges

The latest from Irene.

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.
"The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check.
"But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

Happy Halloween!

I hope everyone had a great Halloween.

I spent the evening walking around the neighborhood passing out hot dogs to the children.

One child looked at his and remarked, "Hot dogs?"

I said, "They are NOT hot dogs. They are Halloweiners!"


Today's FreebieTip - Set up a secondary email account to use on the freebie forms.
This allows you to gather freebies without gathering unneccesary spam.

noworms.com Free Gift

Benny Bully's Pet Treats

Liquid Motion Mousepad!

Give Kids Good Schools

Alice's Shaping Spray

African Pride

Gillette Fusion HydraGel

Complete Heart Health



Also free today;
-Good wishes
-Kind thoughts
-Halloween candy!

More Postcards From Carrie

Carrie, Goddess of the Moon, returns with more excellent postcards for women.

I love these things. They are funny because they are true!

Carrie had a comment about these, but being a man, I wasn't listening to her!

Sorry, Carrie!

Important Safety Tip Surfaces! For Real!!!

Carrie dug this up. It sounds pretty scary, doesn't it?

If it's true.

Here is the story, then we'll see if it's true.

Driving in the Rain


I wonder how many people know about this?

A 36 year old female had an accident several weeks ago and totaled her car. A resident of Kilgore, Texas, she was traveling between Gladewater & Kilgore. It was raining, though not excessively, when her car suddenly began to hydroplane and literally flew through the air. She was not seriously injured but very stunned at the sudden occurrence!

When she explained to the highway patrolman what had happened, he told her something that every driver should know - NEVER DRIVE IN THE RAIN WITH YOU R CRUISE CONTROL ON. She had thought she was being cautious by setting the cruise control and maintaining a safe consistent speed in the rain. But the highway patrolman told her that if the cruise control is on and your car begins to hydroplane -- when your tires lose contact with the pavement, your car will accelerate to a higher rate of speed and you take off like an airplane. She told the patrolman that was exactly what had occurred.

The patrolman said this warning should be listed, on the driver's seat sun-visor - NEVER USE THE CRUISE CONTROL WHEN THE PAVEMENT IS WET OR ICY, along with the airbag warning. We tell our teenagers to set the cruise control and drive a safe speed - but we don't tell them to use the cruise control only when the pavement is dry. The only person the accident victim found, who knew this (besides the patrolman), was a man who had had a similar accident, totaled his car and sustained severe injuries.

If you tell this to 15 people and only one of them doesn't know about this, then it was all worth it. You might have saved a life.

Okay, I'm back. I checked this story out with the experts at Snopes.


Here is what Snopes has to say about it.

Claim: Using cruise control on wet roads or during heavy rain can cause you to lose control of your vehicle.

Status: True.

Origins: We began seeing this cautionary tale turn up in inboxes in November 2002. Although these accounts are probably "real" in the sense that they indeed reflect someone's attempt to describe an automotive mishap that actually happened to him, the explanation about a hydroplaning car's suddenly accelerating and "taking off like a rocket" due to the use of cruise control is a garbled one probably reflecting the author's misunderstanding of what had occurred. Nonetheless, the warning inherent to the tale — don't engage your vehicle's cruise control on slippery or wet roads — is well worth heeding. Snow, ice, slush, or even rain can cause wheel-spin and loss of control, situations to which drivers must react quickly. Although cruise control can generally be cut off by the driver's simply tapping the brake pedal, the extra reaction time required for a motorist relying upon cruise control to recognize the danger of the situation when his wheels begins to spin or slide on a slippery surface, bring his foot up off the floor to the brake pedal, and disengage the cruise control can be crucial (especially for drivers lured into a hazardous level of inattentiveness on long, flat stretches of road).

So there you have it. Carrie, once again, is right. Heed her words. Tremble in her mighty presence. Bow before her greatness.

But don't slap her butt. She'll hurt you!

Train Wreck

Carrie received this from a friend of hers named Sarah. I thought it was worthy of posting simply because the photos are awesome, almost surreal. And frightening too, which is what today is all about.

Thanks to PTD reader Robert Gray for sending the enclosed pictures. I am sure many of you may have read about the train wreck in New Brighton last Friday night. It was on the news everywhere! Our house is on the hill above the scene of the accident and we were startled by an explosion, right after a phone call from our daughter, Susie, who was watching the news. We went to the window in our upstairs hall and we couldn't believe the magnitude of the flames. "Big Rock," a landmark on the river bank was destroyed. No one seems to know the origin the rock or how long it has been there, but many a kid has jumped into the river from that spot. Fortunately, no one was hurt and there was minimal property damage, other than to the railroad.

I know that you all know about this incident but thought that I would forward these pics to you of the Norfolk Southern train derailment.....

They were taken Saturday Afternoon from the point in Patterson Heights. You can even see the Ethanol burning in a couple of the tankers....

The bridge above the railroad bridge is the NB. BF bridge. You can see that this is right on the NB shore. The fire was out on Sunday and they have put all of the wrecked cars ( 24) in Big Rock Park. They have had to cancel some activities that were going on there this week-end.

The Borough is asking for pictures of Big Rock Park as they probably want to give them to the railroad so that they could put it back into the same condition as it was before they put all of their equipment and those wrecked tankers there.

They are going to clean the Ethanol out of the tankers, then cut them up, ship them by rail to God knows where. There is a lot of quipment all over 2nd Ave. and up by the railroad tracks wherever they can find room. All of the TV stations in Pgh. have at least two trucks there. Our little old NB made the national news.

And Now A Reading...

From the Book of Defecations by Jim.

Chapter 1, Verse 2.

And when thou hath gorged thy gullet with grains and fruits, a sense of evacuation from thy bowel must surely calleth thee. Heed mine words as truth and follow them as the law of the land. Taketh in hand thine scroll to a barren tract of land. Scratcheth the Earth as to form a depression that shall contain what thou must bring forth. Lo, ye shall squat and readeth thine scroll. If thou labors as to bring forth tears on thy cheek, thou must surely fill thy gullet with more grains. And if in doing so brings upon thee no comfort, thou may seek the magnesia milk of the one they call Phillip. And if upon squatting there comes forth a thunderous rumble that sprays thine precious Earth with an ocean of brown spitter-spatticus, thou must surley consume more cheese with thine wine. Lo, I shall fall upon ye ears words of great wisdom. What substance thou hast brought forth is vile and evil. For I have bestowed upon your creation a wretched stench so that ye shall not seek glory in your deeds. It shall scarcely contain life upon birth and will perish shortly thereafter from hypothermia. Lay down thy scroll and take in hand a leaf of the fig. Cleanse thee oh sphinctor with leaf in hand. And if a finger should break through thy leaf upon cleansing, speak not of this. As they among you will muse that it was the closest thou hast cometh to a piece of ass in one hundred, hundred days. And great shame will sweep over thee. Thou must pull the precious Earth back upon thy castings which thou hast created. For no one shall cast their eyes upon or step in what ye have brought forth. Take in hand many spriggs of myrrh. Move thy arm swiftly in a to and fro motion so that thou may sweeten thy surroundings from the wretched stench that lingers.

I'll Buy That!

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, has an explanation for us.


Husband's note on refrigerator for wife:

Someone from the Gyna Colleges called.

They said the Pabst beer is normal.

I didn't know you liked beer.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Carrie On College Lectures

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, has this story on college lectures.

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students.

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies

Corrine's Halloween Tale

A heartwarming tale of Halloween costuming told as only Corrine can.

A little boy and girl go trick or treating. They knock on the door of this house and the man who answers it says, "Well, you two are awful cute. Who are you supposed to be?
"We're Jack and Jill" the girl replied.

The man says, "You can't be Jack and Jill, you're black!"
They go off and a while later they come back dressed differently. They ring the door bell and once again and the man opens the door.

"Well now, that is just darn cute. Who are you this time?
"We're Hansel and Gretel" says the little boy.

"Well, I hate to disappoint you son, but you can't be Hansel and Gretel because you're black!" says the man.
Heads hung low, the kids leave. Not too much later the man hears the bell ring again. This time when he opens the door there stand the two children but this time they are BUCKNAKED.

"Oh my! And just who are you supposed to be now?!" he asks.

"Chocolate M & M's," said the little girl. "I'm plain. He's got nuts".


This one has to come from Carrie, from the Moon Connection.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Brigid's. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn. Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

Kitty Litter Cake

This comes from Corrine's secret recipe collection.

This is cute, but I don’t think I could eat it!!! I went to a party once where someone made this but used Gummy Worms instead of Tootsie Rolls - that was bad enough to look at, but it really was good!

Want to be forever eliminated from the guest list? Just take this to your next "pot luck" dinner!!!

This is no joke!

This is for all you cooks out there looking for something a little different........
On a recent visit to our veterinarian to get shots for our cat I found this recipe on the waiting room bulletin board. After recovering from hysterical laughter, I obtained a copy from the office staff so that I could make it. I took it to work and gave the recipe to a lady at work who loves cats. The pictures below show the results of her work. It doesn't look very nice, but it's actually quite tasty, so I decided to pass it along.

1 box spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 box of white cake mix
1 package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
A few drops green food coloring
12 small Tootsie Rolls or equivalent
(Wait. What is the equivalent of a Tootsie Roll?)

1 NEW cat-litter box
1 NEW cat-litter box liner
1 NEW pooper scooper

1) Prepare and bake cake mixes, according to directions, in any size pan. Prepare pudding and chill. Crumble cookies in small batches in blender or food processor. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup of cookie crumbs. Mix with a fork or shake in a jar. Set aside.

2) When cakes are at room temperature, crumble them into a large bowl. Toss with half of the remaining cookie crumbs and enough pudding to make the mixture moist but not soggy. Place liner in litter box and pour in mixture.
3) Unwrap 3 Tootsie Rolls (or their equivalent?) and heat in a microwave until soft and pliable. Shape the blunt ends into slightly curved points. Repeat with three more rolls. Bury the rolls decoratively in the cake mixture. Sp rinkle remaining white cookie crumbs over the mixture, then scatter green crumbs lightly over top.
4) Heat5 more Tootsie Rolls until almost melted. Scrape them on top of the cake and sprinkle with crumbs from the litter box. Heat the remaining Tootsie Roll until pliable and hang it over the edge of the box. Place box on a sheet of newspaper and serve with scooper.




I'm just worried about that Tootsie Roll Equivalent...

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Vintage Estate Beer Tasting

I attended the beer tasting at Vintage Estate yesterday. What a great time it turned out to be.

Ron, himself, was there serving the beers. He picked out some excellent beers and served them in a perfect order, starting with the lighter ones. All of his choices were great, it was difficult to decide which ones were going home with me.

I selected the Two Brothers Heavy Handed IPA and the Southern Tier Old Man Winter, as I preferred them slightly over the others. I also padded my stash with some exquisite Belgian brews (Trappist), as well as some British ale (Samuel Smith). I finally had the chance to pick up a few AleSmith treats and I added to my Gordon Biersch collection (one of my all time favorites).

Ron did this event right, anticipating everything that could happen. The people were great for a large beer drinking crowd. Friendly, polite and just fun to be around, they were the high point of the event. Ron was as helpful and efficient as he always is. His planning left the crowd wanting nothing. There was no waiting for a beer sample, a plus for thirsty beer enthusiasts. And the spread of food was ample, appropriate and delicious (the extra hot sauce for the wings was a foresight you get only from a true beer drinker).

Ron and his capable staff accommodated the large crowd efficiently and expertly, making sure no one was neglected. His staff even tolerated my corny humor with smiles, the sign of a true professional.

I certainly hope Ron is planning another of these events in the near future as it is a splendid way to spend a Saturday, talking to new friends and drinking old ones. I was amazed at how widely varied his offerings of not only beer, but also many excellent wines as well, has become. Ron is a dedicated man, and it looks as if he plans to do what he does in the best way possible.

I'll stay in touch with him. If he has any other events upcoming, you will see them here.

Thanks Ron!

If you would like to contact Ron, here is his contact information.
Vintage Estate Wine and Beer, 7317 South Avenue, Boardman , OH
Phone 330-629-8080
Email ron@vewinebeer.com
Website http://vewinebeer.com

Ponder This!


Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

Is it possible to have a civil war?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Why do people ask where the self-help section is at bookstores?

Are all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets, going as ghosts, really going as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "S" in it?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

Sooner or later, doesn't EVERYONE stop smoking?

Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If people from Poland are called "Poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes".

Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?

"Didja Ever Wonder About..."

Andy Rooney is famous for saying those words. I've always found what he says intellegent and pretty much right on the money. For an old guy, he makes a lot of sense.

See what I mean here.

Videos courtesy of Yahoo!

The Farmer's Party

From Irene.

A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm. At the end of the summer the farmer says, "Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer, I am going to throw a party for you."
The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man!"
So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be lotsa drinkin' going on."
The college guy says, "Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine."
And the farmer adds, "There is also going to be a lot of fightin' so I hope you are ready."
So the college guy responds, "I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape."
"One more thing," says the farmer. "Did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?"
"Far out!" says the college guy. "I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action. What should I wear to this party?"
The farmer says, "I don't care,...it's just going to be me and you!"

Corrine On Arlington

Christmas at Arlington Cemetery

The press only wants to print/tell/show our military in a negative light. If ever there was a "thank you" needed to be sent, it surely is to the guy who furnishes these wreaths and the shipping FREE every year!

I had never heard of this. I have only visited in the summer months. I wonder why the press hasn't enlightened the public about it????

Arlington National Cemetery

Rest easy, sleep well my brothers.

Know the line has held, your job is done.

Rest easy, sleep well.

Others have taken up where you fell, the line has held.

Peace, peace, and farewell...

Readers may be interested to know that these wreaths -- some 5,000 -- are donated by the Worcester Wreath Co. of Harrington, Maine. The owner, Merrill Worcester, not only provides the wreaths, but covers the trucking expense as well. He's done this since 1992. A wonderful guy. Also, most years, groups of Maine school kids combine an educational trip to DC with this event to help out. Making this even more remarkable is the fact that Harrington is in one the poorest parts of the state.


Corrine is letting her age show!

And yes, I remember every one!

Close your eyes...And go back...

....Before the Internet or PC or the MAC......

....Before semi-automatics and crack....

....Before Playstation, SEGA, Super Nintendo, even before Atari...

....Before cell phones, CD's, DVD's, voicemail and e-mail....

....way back....
....way.....way.....way back.....

I'm talkin' bout hide and seek at dusk.

Red light, Green light.

Red Rover....Red Rover.....

Playing kickball & dodgeball until the first...no...second...no...third Streetlight came on.

Ring around the Rosie.

London Bridge.

Hot potato.

Hop Scotch.

Jump rope.


Parents stood on the front porch and yelled (or whistled) for you to come home - no pagers or cell phones.

Mother May I?.

Hula Hoops.

Seeing shapes in the clouds.

Endless summer days and hot summer nights (no A/C) with the windows open.

The sound of crickets.

Running through the sprinkler.

Happy Meals.

Cereal boxes with that GREAT prize in the bottom.

Cracker jacks with the same thing.

Ice pops with 2 sticks you could break and share with a friend.

...but wait.....there's more....

Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons.

Fat Albert, Road Runner, Smurfs, Picture Pages, G-Force & He-Man,
Schoolhouse Rock.

Watchin' Sunday morning oldies (Abbott & Costello, Three Stooges).

Wonder Woman & Super Man Underoos.


Playing Dukes of Hazard.

Catchin' lightning bugs in a jar.

Christmas morning.

Your first day of school.

Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses.

Climbing trees.

Swinging as high as you could to try and reach the sky.

Getting an Ice Cream off the Good Humor Truck.

A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers.

Jumpin' down the steps.

Jumpin' on the bed.

Pillow fights.


A 13" black and white TV in your room meant you were RICH.

Runnin' till you were out of breath.

Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt.

Being tired from PLAYING.

WORK: meant taking out the garbage or doing the dishes.

Your first crush.

Your first kiss (I mean the one that you kept your mouth CLOSED and your eyes OPEN).

Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads up 7UP" or hangman" in the classroom. Remember that?

Oh, I'm not finished yet....

Kool-Aid was the drink of the summer

So was a swig from the hose

Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars

Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school

Class Field Trips with soggy sandwiches

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there

When a quarter seemed like a fair allowance; and another quarter a MIRACLE

When ANY parent could discipline ANY kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries...And nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were COOL

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited you at home.

Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive by shootings, drugs, gangs, etc.

Our parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat! And some of us are still afraid of 'em!

Didn't that feel good? Just to go back and say, "Yeah, I remember that!"

Well, let's keep going!!
Let's go back to the time when...

Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo".

Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!".

"Race issues" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly".

Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.

It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.

Being old, referred to anyone over 20. (CRAP! I'm officially old!).

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.

Nobody was prettier than Mom.

Scrapes and bruises were kissed by mom or grandma and made better.

It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare".

Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate, ultimate weapon.

Older siblings were your worst tormentors, but also your fiercest protector.

If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their "grown up" life......I TRIPLE DOG DARE YA!!!!!!

Cell Phone Concern

A great tip from Corrine.

Just thought the reader might want to know.

8 days from today, all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sale calls.


To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:888-382-1222.
It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take aminute of your time. It blocks your number for five (5) years.

I'm Back

It seems I had a virus. I was warned against accepting it, but it came from a trusted source and I assumed it was an error. It was not.

But after a Mil Spec wipe of the hard drive and a reinstallation of Bill's finest, I am back.

On My Way

I have found the problem. It is a virus. My computer warned me not to accept it but I allowed it to come in because it came from a trusted source. I am repairing right now and should be back in a couple of hours.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Modem Trouble

My modem is having some trouble. I am sending this from my Razr. I should be back tonite or tomorrow at the latest. It seems to be a software conflict as several modems are acting the same. They send but cannot receive. Probably gremlins!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

My Very Own Pumpkins

Here is my take at a properly carved pumpkin.


And my Brother-In-Law Jim, who as always remains competetive, placed these on his porch.



Priceless Photo From Carrie

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, has a priceless photo.

Oh yeah, this won't get these guys in trouble!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Sex Over Sixty

By Carrie.


Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know; I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large."
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.
the man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold As Ever'."

"Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"


My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


One night an 87 year old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment . Killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, "Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have sex . He could fly."

Carrie Has A Treat For The Season

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, has a wonderful seasonal poem for us.

How appropriate for this time of year!

Hi Everyone,
With fall upon us, and the days getting shorter, I thought you all would appreciate this superb, evocative, masterfully penned ode to the coming winter season.

So, grab a coffee, a comfortable chair, relax and scroll down to enjoy the warm feelings and pleasure that this wonderful poem will bring...

A poem by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

"SHIT, It's Cold!"
The End

Issue 3, Wanna Gamble?

Supporters of Issue 3 on Ohio ballots this year want to bring casinos to Ohio.


Aren’t those some really cool places with all kinds of gambling and showgirls and other exciting things happening all the time? Cool, I thought. Ohio is gonna be just like Vegas! What’s wrong with that? Vegas is cool, isn’t it? Plus the money they make is gonna help the schools and the children! Isn’t that great? Everyone wins!

Or do they?

To find out more about what this Issue 3 business would do for Ohio and schools and children, I contacted Mark Mattson, Treasurer of ‘Vote No Casinos’ in Bay Village, Ohio.

Tramp: This whole business is going to be great for Ohio schools and Ohio children, right?

Mark Mattson: Why would anyone ask parents to believe casino gambling can put their kids through college? The casino industry has turned selling false promises into an American entertainment tradition. Peddling illusions may work on the neon strip of Las Vegas, but should Ohio colleges and universities bank their futures on the glittering promises of a handful of casino developers? Should Ohio trust the academic future of the next generation to the casino gambling industry? The Learn and Earn Casino proposal (Issue 3) attempts to amend the Ohio Constitution, which has prohibited legalized gambling since 1850. Ohio voters have made a few exceptions along the way passing amendments to permit charitable, non-profit gambling events and legalizing the State Lottery in 1973. Learn and Earn will turn all seven Ohio racetracks and two new Cleveland facilities into casino/slot parlors.
The 1973 Lottery Amendment came with a boat-load of promises for funding public schools. A few years down the road, Ohioans discovered the Lottery did not solve public school funding problems. Many educators are convinced the Lottery has actually hurt public schools by making it tougher to pass local school levies.

Tramp: That’s right! The Ohio Lottery was suppose to do the same thing. That never happened. I wonder where that money is going. Well regardless, casinos are still cool, right? I mean, who can they hurt?

Mark Mattson: In 2005 a major study was released from Cleveland State University, paid for by casino backers. This study made no attempt to hide the frightening reality that opening statewide casinos in Ohio would result in the serious addiction of at least 109,000 Ohioans.
109,000 individuals unable to control their lives and resist the urge to gamble away everything.
109,000 homes where a mom or dad or teenager is at risk of losing everything they own and destroying their family.
109,000 thousand lives destroyed, families destroyed, households and businesses destroyed, futures destroyed.
Gambling addictions in America are rising at an alarming rate. The National Council on Problem Gambling recently acknowledged the old estimate of one-percent of the population being hooked is no longer valid. They project the number is now closer to four to five percent of the population at risk. Gambling addictions are among the most destructive of all addictions. The National Gambling Impact Study, commissioned by the Congress of the United States, reveals gambling addictions lead to increased risks of serious health problems, unemployment, divorce, bankruptcy and jail time.

Tramp: That’s not good. So even though they claim it will help schools, it will probably go the route the Lottery did and never happen. And even though they claim it will help children, the opposite is true. Children and families in Ohio will suffer just to fatten up the wallets of casino owners and politicians. Well, how much do Ohioans stand to lose, really? And how much of that goes to the casino owners? It can’t be that much. We can afford it, right?

Mark Mattson: Can the Ohio economy afford to lose $2 to $3 billion to gambling casinos, while casino owners take 55% off the top? What about the hundreds of thousands of lives that gambling addictions will destroy as a result of Learn and Earn Casinos?

Tramp: WOW! Screw that! These bastards are lying to us. But how can someone put the almighty dollar ahead of families and children?

Mark Mattson: No comment. I couldn’t.

Tramp: Neither can I! You've convinced me.

VOTE NO on Issue 3!!!

Sweet Has An Email Hoax Warning

Here is a little warning for our readers.


E-Mail Hoax Claims to Be From FBI

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Sweet On Flight Attendants

Look what I found today...a photo of Carrie back a few years ago...

If she can relate to the following she is definitely an ex-flight attendant....
Gee Carrie, I am jealous, wish I could do all these things...



You Might Be A Flight Attendant If...

1. You can eat a 4 course meal standing at the kitchen counter
2. You search for a button to flush the toilet
3. You look for the "crew line" at the grocery store
4. You can pack for a 2 week trip to Europe in 1 roll-aboard.
5. All of your pens have different hotel names on them.
6. You NEVER unpack.
7. You can recognize pilots by the backs of their heads-but not by their faces.
8. You can tell from 70 yards away if a piece of luggage will fit in the overhead bin.
9. You care about the local news in a city three states away.
10. You can tie a neck scarf 36 ways.
11. You know at least 25 uses for air sickness bags-none of which pertain to vomit.
12. You understand and actually use the 24-hour clock.
13. You own 2 sets of uniforms: fat and thin.
14. You don't think in "months"-you think in "bid packs".
15. You always point with two fingers.
16. You get a little too excited by certain types of ice.
17. You stand at the front door and politely say "bye-bye, thanks, have a nice day" when someone leaves your home.
18. You can make a sentence using all of the following phrases: "At this time", "For your safety", "Feel free" and "As a reminder".
19. You know what's on the cover of the current issues of In Touch, Star, and People magazines.
20. You stop and inspect every fire extinguisher you pass, just to make sure the "gauge is in the green".
21. Your thighs are covered in bruises from armrests and elbows.
22. You wake up and have to look at the hotel stationery to figure out where you are.
23. You refer to cities by their airport codes.
24. Every time the doorbell rings you look at the ceiling.
25. You actually understand every item on this list.

Corrine Makes A Good Point

Now let me get this straight.......

Bill Clinton is getting $12 Million for his memoirs.

His wife Hillary got $8 million for hers.

That's $20 million for memories from two people who for eight years repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

God Bless America!

Why Women Move To Florida

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, has discovered the reason women are moving to the Sunshine State.

Or, as it's more recently been called, the Plywood and Tarp State.

Here is Carrie to explain.

They grow on trees there!

With Apologies To Browns Fans

What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the Taliban?
A. The Taliban has a running game.

Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and Billy Graham have in common?
A. They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ."

Q. How do you keep a Cleveland Browns player out of your yard?
A. Put up goal posts.

Q. Where do you go in Cleveland in case of a tornado?
A. Browns Stadium - they never get a touchdown there.

Q. Why was the Cleveland coach upset when the Browns playbook was stolen?
A. Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Q. What's the difference between the Cleveland Browns and a dollar bill?
A. You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q. What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Superbowl?
A. The Cleveland Browns.

Q. What do the Cleveland Browns and possums have in common?
A. Both play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q. How can you tell when the Cleveland Browns are going to run the football?
A. The running back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.

A Couple Of Good Ones...

To help get you through your day.

This little meek man was sitting at a bar when this huge burly
guy walks in. As he walks past the little man, he hits him on
the neck knocking him to the floor. The big burly guy says,
"That's a karate chop from Korea".
Well the little man gets back on his barstool and resumes
drinking his beer.
The burly guy then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he
walks by the little man, he hits him on the other side of the
neck and knocks him to the ground. "That's a judo chop from
Japan," he says.
The little guy decides he's had enough and leaves.
An hour later he comes back and sees the burly guy sitting at
the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him right in the
head, knocking him out.
The little guy says to the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell
him that was a crowbar from Sears and Roebuck."

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says
to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell.
Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says,
"Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is
a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,"
It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is,
however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in.

I've Heard Of These People...

But I've never seen someone who can poo sideways!

New Recipe Format Idea

A friend of mine had this idea for recipes.

A recipe comic strip!

I've never seen recipes in this format before.

Let me know what you think of it.