Wednesday, January 30, 2008

*Classic Riverbank* - Answers To Your Health Questions

These answers to common health concerns were developed by the Riverbank's Health and Wellness Department, which we currently don't have, but plan to put into place as soon as someone gives us one.

Keep in mind, this post originally appeared in 2006 on April Fools Day.

I'm not sure where it came from. I may have wrote it when I was drunk and can't remember, but I'll deny it to my dying day. Anyone who follows this advice may not be healthy, but will surely be happy!


I appreciate my readers. I also like to help readers live a better life whenever I can. In that spirit, I offer this health advice to you to help improve your quality of life. Don't thank me. Seriously, don't.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap!

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables! So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach!

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HELLO!!Cocoa beans?...another vegetable! It's the best feel-good food around!

Why We Don't Take Grandpa To Mardi Gras Anymore

From Carrie.

And Carrie, good call!






And Grandpa, that was funny the first ten or eleven thousand times, but it's getting a little old now.

No, really, you've milked it for all it's worth.

(And yes, I mentally cringed when I said 'milked'.)

True Story

Except for the big guy, of course.
This is what happened to me tonight. I seem to lead a rather interesting life. Why does this shit always happen to me?

I'm driving down the road, minding my own business, when I hear something go 'BAM'. Something hit me hard! It was a loud noise, woke me up and everything! Next thing I know, I'm in a deep ditch, laying on my side.

Well I ain't stupid, I know what happened. Must be some big guy out there knocking trucks off the road. He ain't knocking trucks off the road cause he's happy ! I ain't going out there!

I'm figuring what I can do from in here. Not much. I can put it in gear and try to drive, but I'm on my side. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, though. I hit the gas, the tires spin, and I ain't moving. Shit!

Well, I still got four wheel drive. I put it in four high, I hit the gas, the tires spin, and I still ain't moving. SHIT!!!

Now hold on, I ain't out of ideas yet! I turn the wheel full right, and hit the gas.The back of the front tire catches something and flips me back on my wheels. I crawl out of that ditch and head back down the road. WHOA!!!

As I'm driving along I make a decision. That's it, I decide. I'm staying awake for the rest of this trip to watch for that big guy. Next time, I'm going around him!

You Show Me Yours And...

From Sweet.


The names have been changed to protect the innocent.



Ole & Lena

Ole, out on the golf course, takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He asked," How bad is it doc? . . . I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiancée, Lena , is still a wirgin - in every vay".
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together. . . quite an impressive work of art.

Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched breasts.

She said, "You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez."

Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, . . . . "Look at dis, ...still in da CRATE!"

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

A Message From...?

From Corrine.


I saw a billboard sign that said:



Out of curiosity, I did.


A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Be Warned

From Corrine.






Sunday Funnies

I had forgotten to get my estrogen patch prescription refilled and soon the symptoms of menopause, hot flashes, forgetfulness, and irritability returned.
At the drugstore, I found myself telling the pharmacist all about my problems.
After listening patiently he asked, "So, how many people asked you to get this refilled?"

Sol and Mort are walking from religious service.

Sol wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Mort replies, "Why don't you ask Rabbi Schwartz?"
So Sol goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, "Rabbi, may I smoke while I pray?"
But Rabbi says, "No my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Sol goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Rabbi told him.
Mort says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Mort goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks, "Rabbi, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which Rabbi Schwartz eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means."

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card.
"It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer.

Tom walks in and sits down.
After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those women's questions women ask. Now Im in deep shit at home."
"What kind of question?", asked Tom.
"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly."
"That's easy", said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".
"Yeah", said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'"

Some guy is claiming that a tonic of beer and urine will improve your garden.

Come on, if that was true, wouldn't frat houses be like tropical rain forests?

The Nine Important Men In A Woman's Life:
1. THE DOCTOR: because he says, "Take your clothes off."
2. THE DENTIST: because he says, "Open wide."
3. THE HAIRDRESSER: because he says,"Do you want it teased or blown?".
4. THE MILKMAN: because he says, "Do you want it in the front or the back?"
5. THE INTERIOR DECORATOR: because he says, "Once it's in, you'll love it!"
6. THE STOCK BROKER: because he says, "It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while, and then slowly fall back again."
7. THE BANKER: because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest.
8. THE HUNTER: because he goes deep in the bush, shoots twice, and always eats what he shoots.
9. THE TELEPHONE GUY: because he says, "Would you like it on the table or up against the wall?


Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He travelled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.
Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have sex."
After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.

So the black bear had his way with Frank.
Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.
This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.
The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have "rough sex."
Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death.

So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.
Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.
He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder.

He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.
The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"


"If you ask me, this country could do with a little less motivation. The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans. I'm not sure that motivation is always a good thing. You show me a lazy prick lying in bed all day watching TV, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble." -George Carlin

Friday, January 25, 2008


From Corrine.


Tough Love vs. Spanking ~ (a psychological conundrum)


It seems that these days most Americans think it is improper to spank children, so over the years I tried other methods to control my kids when they had one of "those moments."


One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk. They usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.


This worked so well for my children that I now use the method on my grandchildren.


I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my grandson, in case you would like to use the technique.


Sincerely, A Friend



A New Sign From Colleen

Lil Sis has another sign.

As usual, it's dead on!


What In The...?

From Southern Girl.

And,... WHOA!


Question: What is this?




It's a 'Hill-Billy'

Computer Repair

From Southern Girl.

Now that's what I call fixed!


After going thru a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems...

I have fixed my computer...

and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to.



Thursday, January 24, 2008

Quote of the Century

From Carrie.


This IS the quote of, maybe, the century!!!

The 'Hero of Chappaquiddick' speaks' ..????

Ted Kennedy on why he supports amnesty for those sneaking across the Rio Grande

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Work vs. Prison

From Alrad.


Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should clear things up a little bit.


You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell
You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle

You get three meals a day fully paid for
You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it

You get time off for good behavior
You get more work for good behavior

The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you
You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself

You can watch TV and play games
You could get fired for watching TV and playing games

You get your own toilet
You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat

They allow your family and friends to visit
You aren't even supposed to speak to your family

All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required
You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners

You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out
You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars

You must deal with sadistic wardens
They are called managers

You can talk about Jesus, and even participate in Bible Studies
You'd better not talk about Jesus or bring a Bible if you want to keep your job!


Monday, January 21, 2008

Cool Websites

13 Things That Do Not Make Sense Surprisingly, our government is not one of them!

Everyday Mysteries No, women are not one of them!

Computer Stupidities No, the Riverbank is not one of them!

The Universal Decision Maker

The Don Martin Shrine The man behind Mad magazine.

Babies With Beards

Location Location Location

From our Real Estate Agent Corrine!


Lookin' for a nice retirement home????

It's nothing short of a "Glorified Tent" .. or is it?

If ......... You live alone or with one other person (or an extremely small dog) ...

or if..... You don't have much stuff (barely more than a homeless person) ...

or if..... You miss that cute little apartment you lived in while teaching English in

This house, located near the intersection of Dufferin Street and Rogers Road is believed to be Toronto's smallest house. Occupying what used to be a driveway, it's a one bedroom, one bathroom home that sits on a parcel of land 7.25 feet (2.2 metres) wide and 113.67 feet (34.6 metres) long and has an interior area of just under 300 square feet (under 28 square metres).
Here's the living room, looking towards the front of the house


Here's the living room again, looking towards the back ...


Here's the kitchen. Note that despite the small space, they've managed to fit a washer and dryer into the place.


Here's the bedroom. It comes with a Murphy bed, which is a necessity in such a space. This is what it looks like with the Murphy Bed down


And here the bedroom with the Murphy Bed retracted:


You also get some patio space out back.Here it is, looking towards the front of the house:


And here's the patio looking towards the back:


Here are the home's "Listed Features":
* Completely re -done top-to-bottom, front-to-back!

* Tumbled stone entrance walk* Renovated Bath

* Renovated Kitchen with newer stove, new cabinets and new stacked washer/dryer

* Bedroom with Murphy Bed + "Built-Ins" ... (doubles as a den)!

* Walk-out to fenced patio* 100 Amp service

* 2 Satellite Dishes and Receiver

* Window Air Conditioner Available

You get all this for:


"If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible, then Adam and Eve's children would actually have had to have sex with one another for the earth to have become populated. This is surely proof positive that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden." - T.Z.


A handicapped Vietnam vet is limping down the street, dragging his right foot behind him. He looks up and sees Geno, who is about his age, walking toward him. Geno is also dragging his right foot.
The Vet thinks, “Another disabled Joe!”
The vet walks up to him, grabs him by the hand and says, "Mekong Delta, 1969."
Geno looks him square in the face and says, "Dog shit, five minutes ago."

One More Time

In The News

Seattle Judge is Asshole of the year
SEATTLE, -- A Washington state judge was unapologetic after he threw a bald cancer victim out of his courtroom for refusing to remove her hat. District Court Judge Holly Hollenbeck demanded all caps be removed in the courtroom one morning. Bev Williams, 43, refused to take off the knitted beanie cap she has been wearing to cover her baldness from a recent six month course of chemotherapy, The Seattle Times reported. So Hollenbeck threw her out, bringing her to tears. Williams was in court to support her daughter, who faces a misdemeanor charge. She called the judge rude. But Hollenbeck, who says his mother died of cancer, insists wearing a cap in the courtroom -- for whatever reason-- shows disrespect for the court.
"I've had hundreds of cancer victims come through my court, and I've never had one not remove their hat, ever," the judge told the newspaper.

Breaking News - Not

The President's Olympic Speech Rehearsal

President Bush was rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games.

He began his remarks with, "Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!"

Immediately his speech writer rushed over to the lectern and whispered in the president's ear, "Mr. President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Food Trivia

When Standard Brands Company, owner of Curtiss Candy Company, was acquired by Nabisco in 1981, they realized they had somehow lost the original recipes for the Baby Ruth and Butterfinger candy bars. No one at the old Curtiss factory remembered how to make the candy bars, and Nabisco had to develop new recipes that customers would accept.



From the number one Packer Backer, Carrie.
Lambeau Field on a Sunday afternoon must be what Heaven is like!

And she is right, GO PACK !!!

This picture was sent by my Dad’s friend…..if you decide to post it, please give photo credit (you already did - Tramp)…thanks!


The subject line says it all.
Photo by Jeff Orear. - the lucky son of a gun actually was there last week and will be again tomorrow……me also thinks the beer will be frozen tomorrow….
but WHO CARES when you are in Lambeau Field?

Fast Forward

A buddy of mine who is twice divorced dropped by to return my ladder. My wife asked him when he was planning on marrying the girl he's been with for two years.
"That's funny," he said, "because she asked me the same question last week."
"What did you tell her?" I asked.
"I told her that I could do her one better. I told her that we could immediately start to hate each other and start the proceedings to sue the hell out of each other."
"What did she say?" my wife asked.
"She said, 'OK.'"

Geno, Continued...

A lonely wife brought Geno, who she had just met at a bar, home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other’s clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard key in the lock.

"Quick!" she said to Geno, "it’s my husband! You’ve got to get out of here!"

"Where’s the back door?" Geno asked as he grabbed his clothes.

"There isn’t one," she replied.

"Where would you like one?" he asked.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Geno Is Right Again!

Geno mentioned a resemblance between himself and a character which recently appeared here. I called him up on on it and told him he was wrong. It was a big deal for me because he has never been wrong before.
That can actually put you to work trying to break his streak. A guy sees it as a challenge. And I thought I finally got him!
But now that I look at it a bit closer, I believe he is right again. Here is the comment he made, and my response to it.
Hey!!! I’m not sure, but I myself could possibly, maybe, might, at a glance, may resemble that Dick with eyebrows…I think!!!!
No. You’re wrong.
And I can prove it.
First time ever, though!

Well, you be the judge. Here is the character in question.



The Wit Of The Marines

From Corrine




Look Closely.....


Keep looking

See it now?

If a Muslim sees a naked woman --- they are supposed to kill themselves.
Ya gotta love the Marines.

Geno and Sweet

From Sweet.


Geno and Sweet were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening.

Geno looked over and said to Sweet, "I know just what you're wanting. For $5.00 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."

Sweet looked surprised but didn't say a word.

Geno continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."

Sweet still says nothing but, after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.

"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says Geno.

"Get serious", Sweet replies. "Four times in the rocking chair."


Trouble In The Air

From Sweet, a true story!


Crack in airline window....unbelievable!!!!!
Be aware when booking your next flight.
This is scary for anyone who travels frequently by plane!!!!

Actual crack in a US Airways DC-9 window frame!

Fliers beware of the sub standard maintenance on the airplanes that you fly on.

This is an actual crack that was found in the window frame on a DC-9.

I'll definitely think twice before flying USAir.




Had to make you laugh today......

The Only Important News In The NFL

Favre's game has taken Packers to new level
by Alex Marvez
GREEN BAY, Wis. - You can teach an old Favre new tricks.
The Green Bay Packers might not be one win from Super Bowl XLII if the Brett Favre of recent seasons had resurfaced in last Saturday's 42-20 victory over Seattle.
That Favre could very well have reared his turnover-prone head while pressing to erase an early 14-0 deficit. After the game, he admitted his historical M.O. has been to "try to get it all back right now" when falling behind.
But with quarterbacks coach Tom Clements reminding him there's no such thing as a 14-point play, Favre steadied an offense reeling from two Ryan Grant fumbles. Favre answered Seattle's second score by completing all four of his pass attempts on Green Bay's ensuing possession, including a 15-yard touchdown to wide receiver Greg Jennings that started a 21-0 Packers run.

"I guess in my case it's part of the maturing and aging process," Favre said Wednesday during a news conference at Lambeau Field. "At least it was in that game."

Alex Marvez is a Senior NFL Writer for

Friday, January 18, 2008

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

A Riverbank exclusive from Sweet!


Dear Riverbankies:
I realized tonight that my readers must be missing me (you know what Geno says...”A day without Sweet is like a day without a tall cool drink”).
An email yesterday triggered my thoughts about my recent blessings.
First, the Biggest news of all…On January 8… Sweet became a grandmamma…my son Joe gave me the sweetest little baby girl…guest what! She has red-hair and long legs…Jocelyn Rain….proud grandmamma photo attached….now I can’t take all the credit since Jocelyn Rain’s mom also has red-hair and long legs….
December was a difficult time for my family since I was only teaching two nights a week and hubby was in limbo until January 10 to start of his new job. There were many days the only place I felt at peace when I was teaching. I finally, said okay God you show me since I am apparently doing something wrong. A few days later, I was responding to ads (like I did every morning for two months) and ran across a posting for another private college they were seeking instructors for their
Court Reporting Program to teach English, grammar, business writing, legal terminology, and substantive law and introduction to computers. I submitted my resume and continued my search.
On January 2 at 9:30 a.m., I received a call from the College requesting a teaching demonstration at 2:00 p.m. I was freaked out. I asked the
Director of Education what subject he would like me to present. I was told, you decide so I did all three in one (did you expect anything else from me). I incorporated substantive law, which is full of legal terms in the form of preparing a brief. When I was finished, I was given a tentative offer of employment if I could document my work experience and education. I never thought I would say this “I am so thankful for all of those seminars I attended over the last two years; they help me establish my qualifications to teach.” I started teaching in the Court Reporting Program on January 9. They must think I am smart since I was assigned the following classes for the next twelve weeks introduction to computers, business writing, legal terminology, and substantive law Monday – Thursday. This along with my night teaching makes me happy. I am very surprised that private colleges in Cali pay well…I guess that’s because they are for profit…
In the “perfect storm” we lost three of our trees (all of these trees where 60-70 feet tall) two are now on the neighbor’s house and his problem….I just have to worry about the one that hit my house and cause $7-10K in damages….
Tomorrow, I am making the second visit to see Jocelyn since I have a four-day weekend…I will take more photo’s….
One last blessing…you all know I love Geno…and most of us know he is directionally challenged…I have found out recently he is also computer challenged…I wish he would come to Cali and take my computer class…we would have a blast…so you say what’s the blessing…I know something he doesn’t…(love you my friend).
Love to all

Urban Dweebs

Sweet came to me with the lowdown on Dweebs.
She had the info because she is 'Head of Info'!
It turns out that the Urban Dictionary defines Dweeb as "actually being an acronym for the phrase “dick with eyebrows”"

If it came from the Urban Dictionary, then it wouldn't be the lowdown, it would be the 'low-low', right?

Well, if she can take the time to find that, then the least I could do is find the pics.
Turns out, there are different types of this Dweeb (the 'dick with eyebrows') as well.
Here are several different types.
This is a dick with eyebrows.

As is this.

This is also a dick with eyebrows.

And finally, this is a Dick with eyebrows.

If you have any questions, or would like to discuss this further, please leave me out of it!


Also known as Uberdorks, Gargantuan Twits, Colossal Geeks, and Everlasting Losers.

However, there are assorted types of these characters.
Here are a few examples.
This is the Original Dweeb.

When you mention Dweebs, most people think of this one.
This is the most common and abundant of Dweebs, the Average Dweeb.
And here is a Village Dweeb.

This is an Opera Dweeb.
Here is a Rebellious Dweeb.
He's not sure what it is that he's rebelling against, but he is rebelling.
This is the band, 'Dweeb'.
And finally, since all groups need a leader, here is the King of Dweebs.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Freebies, Special Next Best Thing Edition

Lingerie isn't the best thing on Earth, but next to it!

FREE lingerie outfit Telephone survey required.

Free Thong in White, Black, Turquoise and Brown

Free Swag Bag

Free T-Shirt for testing any Fender Product

Profile Pod T-Shirt


From Sweet, this will take care of one of Johnd's pet peeves!
And Sweet, what about Dweeb? (number 6)

Quiz For People Who Know Everything
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't.
These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.
7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
8 Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S."

Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute).
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. Asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside . Strawberry.
5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)
6. Three English words beginning with dw. Dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh Lettuce.
9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s."
Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

Today is National Mental Health Day.
You can do your part by remembering to send an e-mail to at least one unstable person
Well, my job's done!
HEY !!! - Tramp

A Different Type Of Diet Aid

From Irene.


One time when I was home visiting my folks, my mom asked me to set the table for dinner. I opened the refrigerator and taped to the inside of the door was a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built, but scantily-clad young woman.

"Mom, what's this?" I asked.

"Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to over-eat," she answered.

"Is it working?" I asked.

"Yes and no," she explained. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20!"

Pizza Soup?

From Marg.

I never knew this existed. It sounds pretty good!

Thanks, Marg!


Easy Pizza Soup
My kids love this soup.
2 servings
5 min prep

1 (10 ounce) can condensed tomato soup
10 ounces milk
1/2 cup mozzarella cheese, divided
8-10 slices pepperoni, cut into quarters, divided
1/4 teaspoon dried oregano, divided

Mix the condensed soup and milk (use the empty soup can to measure your milk) and heat until warm; either in microwave or on the stove top.
Pour soup into two bowls.
Add ¼ cup mozzarella cheese, 4-5 slices of pepperoni and 1/8 teaspoons oregano to each bowl.
Stir and serve.
Other favorite pizza toppings can be added too.

Nutrition Facts
Calculated for 1 serving (330g)

Recipe makes 2 servings
Calories 303

Calories from Fat 141
Total Fat 15.8g
Saturated Fat 8.8g
Polyunsat. Fat 1.1g
Monounsat. Fat 5.4g
Trans Fat 0.0g
Cholesterol 52mg
Sodium 1170mg
Potassium 602mg
Total Carbohydrate 27.1g
Dietary Fiber 1.9g
Sugars 11.8g
Protein 15.1g
Vitamin A 964mcg
Vitamin B6 0.2mg
Vitamin B12 1.3mcg

Vitamin C 20mg
Vitamin E 3mcg
Calcium 344mg
Magnesium 47mg
Iron 1mg
Alcohol 0.0g

Caffeine 0.0mg

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


I was so angered and disgusted by the story below about Asshole Eyes that I completely forgot to express my support and my thanks to these Great American Heroes.

My bad.

To the
United States Marine Corp,

I wish to express my full support

and offer my thanks for all that you

so bravely and justly do.

Thank You For Being
The Heroes That You Are

I fully support everything that you do.

Even those things your commanders might question.

Please continue to use your own judgement,

as it is easily better than
what the brass seems to come up with.


It is better to be judged by twelve
than to be carried by six.



And the same goes to all of the other Great American Heroes serving in all branches of our Armed Forces.

Thank You One And All.

You Truly Are Genuine Heroes.

And to everyone else out there, remember that all would be lost without these fine people protecting everything that we have.

Remember to thank them everytime you see them.

They do appreciate it.

And they deserve it, as well.

More than anyone else deserves anything else.

And finally, a lesson for everyone who wishes to address a Marine.

There is no such thing as an 'ex-Marine'.

Veteran Marines
Marines and those familiar with Marine Corps tradition will often object to the use of the term "former Marine" or "ex-Marine" because Marines are inculcated with the ethos "Once a Marine, always a Marine". The terms "former" or "ex" refer to something that once was, but is no longer, as Col Wesley L. Fox, USMC (Ret.) states in the welcoming theater video at the National Museum of the Marine Corps.
Veteran Marine refers to an individual that completed their service and has received an honorable or general discharge from the service. Veteran Marines may be addressed as "Veteran Marines", yet Marines who have retired are more commonly called "retired Marines". However, addressing any veteran Marine as "Marine" is appropriate. Veteran Marines may be addressed as "Sir" or "Ma'am" out of respect or, according to the "Commandant's White letters" from Commandant General Gray, by their earned rank.


SOURCE: Wikipedia

Sunday, January 13, 2008

A Personal Message To Jay R. Grodner Of Chicago

FUCK YOU, You Asshole.
Come do that to me, I dare you.

You fucking moron.

See if all of you agree with me.
CLICK HERE for the story from the Chicago Tribune.
CLICK HERE for the verification from Snopes.
Again, that's Jay Robert Grodner of 7726 N Eastlake Terrace in Chicago, IL 60626,
FOOTNOTE: I called this asshole, he wouldn't answer. I'll keep trying though!