A New Reader

I have another new reader (number 15,002), and he has his own blog. I was checking it out and he ROCKS. He knows good music and he knows good movies. That seems to be getting rarer today.

Anyway, his name is Pete and his site, which is called 'Time Well Spent', is here. Check him out and tell him Tramp sent ya.

Where Does Corrine Find This Stuff?

Corrine has a pretty good idea. I'm in.

This has my FULL support -- I'm ready to go backwards right now!

I think the life cycle is all backwards.You should start out dead and get it out of the way.
Then, you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.You get kicked out for being too healthy; go collect your pension, then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
You go to primary school, you become a kid , you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions; central heating, room service on tap, larger quarters every day, and then, you finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.

Diary Of A Texan

Corrine gave me this diary which belonged to a Texan. Interesting reading.


Dear Diary:

May 30th: Just moved to Dallas...Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.)Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and bits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 106 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.

Aug. 8th: If I hear another wise crack, "Hot enough for you today?", I'm going to strangle him. Heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and butt. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried butt, and baked cat.

Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do use the toilet for 2 months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this desert?? Water rationing will be next, so might $1700 worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.

Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail. Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here???

For A Healthy Coat

Carrie, from the Moon Connection, is here to tell about a new diet that seems to keep nosy people at bay.


Purina Diet

I have a Labrador retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out and the woman behind me asked if I had a dog? On impulse, I told her no, but that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly the guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.

The Wisdom Of Corrine

.

Because she smells like a new truck!

TRAGEDY ON THE RIVER

It is with great sadness I report this story. But it involves my beloved river and must be told.


Runaway car plows through crowded riverbank, injuring 10 spectators at Regatta




The Madison Regatta was cut short Sunday when a car plowed through a crowded riverfront embankment shortly before the start of the final heat of the Indiana Governor’s Cup.
Among first responders to the scene was Matt Brawner, 21, a Kent Volunteer Fire Department volunteer who witnessed the accident.“I saw a black vehicle hit the crowd going at least 55 to 60 miles per hour,” he said. “I saw a leg go flying off into the river.” A man who lost his leg was among spectators who received medical attention immediately after the accident.“There was also a little girl, maybe 9 or 10, I saw lying near the shore,” he said. “The car hit her head-on.”Brawner said the car flew through the air and came down against a concrete culvert, then flipped and fishtailed as it made its way through a crowd of people into the water.“You couldn’t tell the front of the car from the back by the time it went into the water,” he said.“I worked on five people immediately after the accident, but there were many more who were injured,” Brawner said. “We also are assisting a lot of people at the scene who are in shock. Some are fainting and in need of water and air. Others just want to talk about what they just saw. We are trying to get them to talk about something else to settle them down.”John Kinman of Vevay was standing with family members under a tent about 25 feet from the accident scene when he saw a car speeding at least 50 mph toward the river.“I saw the car hit a woman up along Jefferson Street,” he said. “Then, the car hit a culvert, went flying through the air before driving through the crowd and taking out people,” he said. “I saw a man run over half way down and a young girl lying down by the water who was being administered CPR immediately after the accident,” Kinman said.
Witnesses described the scene as scary and surreal, or even like a scene from a Hollywood movie.
Seconds before the accident, Wilson remembered hearing a scream from the crowd followed by a loud “crunching sound.” The crunching sound was a golf cart that was smashed onto the hood of Bowen’s car as it continued its disastrous decent down the crowded embankment.“When I saw it (car) coming, I saw bodies flying everywhere,” Duncan said. “It headed where kids were playing on the bank.”Wilson added, “It looked like a Hollywood stage, people were flying everywhere.”After the accident, rescue divers who already were on the riverfront for the Regatta quickly swarmed around the car. Wilson and Duncan were impressed with how quickly rescue units responded. Wilson said a diver swam to the driver’s-side window and punched the glass with his bare hands to rescue the driver.On the bank, rescue workers immediately began first aid on the victims. They continued first aid until EMS arrived.

An Illegal Drug Warning To Parents Everywhere

You warn your children about illegal drugs and how detrimental they can be. Perhaps you even show them what illegal drugs look like in order to help them avoid illegal drugs. But do you really know what illegal drugs look like today?


Marijuana Hidden in Gumballs

Recently police found smiley face gum-balls filled with marijuana at a Howard County high school! Inside of each them, 1 gram of pot! And now we're learning police are dealing with a similar case in Arlington.

Single Marijuana Gumball

But that is just the tip of the iceberg. Take a look at what else is out there today.

Unbelievable. Soft drinks, candy bars, even Pop Tarts are not immune. And all of these contain illegal drugs. They are obviously designed to appeal to children. But what kind of individual tries to increase his profit by targeting precious and innocent children. There must be a special place in hell for these individuals. But they are among us now. It is up to parents to keep their children informed of these dangers. And it is up to me to keep parents informed. I'm doing my part. Be sure to do yours.

All pictures and information supplied courtesy of the United States Drug Enforcement Agency and Carrie from the Moon Connection. I thank them for their excellent work in uncovering these types of dangers.

NOTE TO ALL OTHERS: Feel free to copy this article and spread it around as much as possible. Our children are depending on you.

A Nasty Virus Scare Is Going Around

This is what I received in my email this morning. It sounds bad, doesn't it?

Do not open any message with an attached filed called "Invitation" regardless of who sent it . It is a virus that opens an Olympic Torch which"burns" the whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from someone who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list, that is why you should send this e-mail to all your contacts If you receive a mail called "invitation", though sent by a friend, do not open it and shut down your computer immediately. This is the worst virus announced by CNN, it has been classified by Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus.

I became suspicious right away when it mentioned burning my hard disk. Hard disks are NOT burned, CD 's are. So some research was in order. This email and virus are FALSE. They are a hoax. Here is the truth from Snopes.

The classics never go away, it seems, so just in time for the 2006 Winter Olympics someone has dusted off an old virus warning hoax (most commonly seen in its incarnation as the "[Virtual] Card for You" hoax) and reintroduced it as an "Olympic Torch" virus warning (also known as the "Invitation virus"). The same basic hoax has been circulating in various languages since at least 2000, with occasional changes along the way. No such (incurable) virus exists, has been identified by McAfee, or was reported on by CNN.

So there you have it. Another hoax is making the rounds. Do not be taken in by it. If you ever receive anything like this and are not sure about it's truthfulness, contact me and I will research it and let you know what the truth is.

A big thank you goes out to Angebear for bringing this to my attention. I appreciate the opportunity to shoot these hoaxes down.

Bobby's Secret Admirer

I have a request from a reader to place her photo on this site. So long as I have a person's permission, I will post their photo.

This one is dedicated to Bobby.

No They Didn't

Yes they did!

Freebies

Athletic Edge

Pollen Power

Campbells Soup

HP Paper

An Historic Photo

This photo is historic in that it represents the first and only time in recorded history that Bill O'Reilly has told the truth.

Tinkering And Fanagling

I have been tinkering with this site's settings. It should now be loading twice as fast. Let me know if this works better.

Piss On It

These are actual urinals.
Some people like to go overboard on everything, don't they?

Bobby's Letters

Bobby sends this along. It is a good one.


Thought this was an interresting email from my wife...???
Bob

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, DON'T! Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than recieving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.
Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"
My mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and brought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer has the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla.
I hope that's not a problem.

Corrine Lays Down The Law

Corrine must have had a hard time with her pets last night as she drew this up today.

I tend to agree!


Pet Rules

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college----and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!

Corrine's Birthday Suit

I stopped by Corrine's house last night as she was getting ready to go out and celebrate her birthday. She was aware that she would probably be drinking in celebration of her birthday and found an appropriate outfit that would deliver the message as to how she felt about anyone trying to take advantage of her. I think the message came through loud and clear.

Here she is in her new outfit. I like it.

One Of Our Own Has A Birthday

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORRINE

I HOPE YOU GET TO ENJOY TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS


And remember, you are 21 for the 29th time!

Colleen Has Scientific Proof

Of global warming, that is.
This photo presents unquestionable proof of the temperature increase through the years.
I hope Al Gore doesn't get a hold of this.

A Welcome To My Newest Reader

I have a new riding buddy who is also now a new reader. His name is Larry and I'm sure we will be hearing more about and from him.

Leave a comment Larry, and introduce yourself to the masses.

My Favorite Computer Quote

"1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d"

Ain't it the truth!




UPDATE: To a programmer, this clearly reads, "If you can read this you really need to get laid".

The Canadian Plot Is Resolved

I had written a story about how Canada is taking over the United States without our knowledge. I also had written a letter to the ringleader, Samantha Burns. Here is an excerpt from that story.

1. I went to a McDonalds for breakfast the other day and my McMuffin had Canadian bacon on it. I requested this be replaced with American bacon. They responded that all they had was Canadian bacon. If Canadians can take over an all American institution like McDonalds, what else are they capable of that we don't know about?

2. The weather here has been uncomfortably hot. Do you know why? It's because the Canadians are hoarding all of the cool weather. It's true, check their weather reports. I don't know how they are doing it, but I WILL find out!

3. Have you tried this Canadian beer? It makes American beer taste like piss. I believe they are doing this intentionally. And it is a direct attack on our American pisswate.., I mean beer.

So I sent a list of demands to Sam as follows.

1. More Canadian bacon.

2. More Canadian beer.

3. Maybe some of that cooler weather.


After careful consideration and a period of negotiations (I was told how it's gonna be), I received this response from Sam.


Here are my responses to your demands.

1 Canadian bacon ain’t free.

2. Canadian beer ain’t free.

3. I’m sending some cooler weather via US postal service, so it will take until October to get there.

Thanks Sam, I knew I could count on you. I believe we have resolved this situation and we didn't even need to call the UN. That's a good thing because the UN never does a damn thing anyway.


FOOTNOTE: This is a joke. There will be no war. Samantha Burns is a very good person and a friend. She taught me everything I know about running this type of website. For free too, just out of kindness. So if you like this site, you have her to thank for its existence. And don't forget to check out the best site in Canada, SamanthaBurns.com She is the master, I am her student.

And A PSA From Sweet

Now on sale!

A PSA From Corrine

That's Public Service Announcement.

As It Turns Out, A Short Break

Corrine is back to redneck humor. Here is her latest find. A redneck tractor pull.

From Corrine, No Comment!

A Chinese man had three daughters.
He asked his eldest daughter what kind of man she would like to marry."
I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the eldest daughter.
He then asked his second daughter who she would like to marry."
I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the second daughter.
He finally asked his youngest daughter who she would like to marry."
I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the youngest daughter.

Corrine Has Another Touching Story

And it is one of the best I've ever heard.
If she ever gets her own site, I'll be out of business!


One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school.
His name was Kyle.
It looked like he was carrying all of his books
I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."
I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.
As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him.
They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt.
His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him.
He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.
"He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!"
There was a big smile on his face.
It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.
I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived.
As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before.
He said he had gone to private school before now.
I would have never hung out with a private school kid before.
We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books.
He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.
I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends.
He said yes.
We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.
Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again.
I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!
"He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.
When we were seniors, we began to think
about college.
Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I
was going to Duke.
I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem.
He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class.
I teased him all the time about being a nerd.
He had to prepare a speech for graduation.
I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak
Graduation day, I saw Kyle.
He looked great.
He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school.
He filled out and actually looked good in glasses.
He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him.
Boy, sometimes I was jealous.
Today was one of those days.
I could see that he was nervous about his speech.
So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"
He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled.
"Thanks," he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began
"Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years.
Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...
I am here to tell all of you that being a
friend to someone is the best gift you can give them.
I am going to tell you a story."
I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met.
He had planned to kill himself over the weekend.
He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.
He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.
"Thankfully, I was saved.
My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment.
I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile.
Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.
Never under estimate the power of your actions.
With one small gesture you can change a person's life.
For better or for worse.
God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.
Look for God in others.
There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND.
If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.
ENJOY THE DAY NO MATTER WHAT COMES YOUR WAY

Corrine Is Taking A Break From Redneck Humor

And she has a cause that is more than worthy of replacing it.


It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only I don't see it as Humor, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE ! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Ya'll know who ya' are...

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation under God."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat veterans with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend. God Bless the U S A !
PASS 'ER ON BROTHER
Git 'er done!!

New Caption Contest

This caption contest is dedicated to Sweet, who requested it on her birthday today. This one should produce some interesting captions. Here it is with my caption.

It doesn't say that about me! You are a turd!

Has anyone seen my glasses? I can't read this until I find my glasses.....

That sure is an ugly baby picture! Are you sure thats me?

I put the “grrrr” in swinger baby, yeah!

GOD I LOVE LOOKING AT MYSELF! NOW I KNOW WHY ALL THE GIRLS LOVE ME!

Where's them damn glasses anyway?

Damn, I do look like Yosemite Sam "Back Off!" or I will fill you full of lead.

My Friend From Australia

This is Mike, my friend and business associate from Australia. He sells and maintains my equipment down under. Mike is an extremely intelligent person. He is a wonderful conversationalist with many, many entertaining stories to tell. He has enlightened me about Rugby. I never knew it was such a great game, only with Mike telling it, his story is probably better than the actual game. The depth of his knowledge is amazing. He knows volumes about practically everything. I tried to impress him with some of my gadgets. He not only knows of them, but has almost all of them. He did like my Raz'r, and I'm sure he will have one when he returns to Australia. He couldn't get one here as it would not work over there. He will have to buy one locally in his own country. But he is busy traveling the world now as it is one of his passions. And it replenishes his vault of stories. Mike is not one to repeat himself so he actively searches for new material in his travels. And I can hardly wait for his return.

Mike is also a boater, which always scores points with me. Of course he could hang my boat off the back of his boat as a dinghy, but hey, a boat is a boat. He prefers catamarans as two hulls are better than one. Especially in the ocean, which is his stomping ground.

Good One On Ya Mate

Corrine found this news item that needs widespread coverage. And as all news items that need it, it's not getting it. I loves the Australians. I've had the company of one of them all week. As a matter of fact, it will be my next post.

THIS ONE SAYS IT ALL FOLKS

Written by an Australian Dentist
To Kill an American

You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American. So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is. So they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!!!! Thank You.)"

An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan. An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans. An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God. An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world. The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness. An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return. When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country! As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan. Americans welcome the best of everything...the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best services. But they also welcome the least. The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty , welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America. Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists. So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

LARRY HANIFORD
Australia

Corrine Finds A Supremely Stupid Ruling

Corrine has found more Supreme Court stupidity. Granted, it's not hard to find nowadays.


A statement that was read at a Tennessee football game

This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School, Kingston, Tennessee, by school Principal,Jody McLeod.

"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country."
Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law.
As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate lifestyle," and if someone is offended, that's OK.
I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.
I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem...
I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology."
I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment."
However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.
This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical. Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments.
Nevertheless, as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical...
I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression.
For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's,"and refrain from praying at this time.
"However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM, in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet."
One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray.
They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box!
The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America - the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD."
Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!
JESUS said, "If you are ashamed of ME before men, then I will be ashamed of you before MY FATHER."
If you are not ashamed, pass this on.


The Supreme Court is insuring that the terrorists are correct in calling this country a Godless country. They say it is our will. This is NOT my will and they can't stop me from praying.

In fact, I am going to pray right now!

"Please God, let me see how it turns out when these so called judges stand before You in judgement. Thank you, God. Also, as long as I have your undeserved attention, please grant a safe and happy birthday to both Sweet and Corrine this weekend. Thank you again and again."

Corrine Is Snooping Into Diaries

And this is what she found in her pet's diaries.


Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:

8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! Heavenly!

11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe....... for now....

A Special Birthday Message

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SWEET




Today she becomes legal age.

Have your first legal drink.

Denzel Washington Is A Great Man

My wife gave me this news item about Denzel Washington. I've always liked the guy. He is a great actor and seemed like a very nice fellow when I met him in Boca Grande, FL. He was shooting a movie there and I always took my father there when I visited him in Florida. Denzel was always corteous and polite, a tribute to his parents. But I never realized what an outstanding man he really is. He is a great man.
And Denzel, your parents must have been great people to produce you. I'm sure they are very proud of you, as are many other Americans, myself and my wife included. And thank you sir, for the gifts you have given this world. I am, of course, talking about your four children. I am sure you have instilled the traits into them that your parents instilled into you. And that is by far this country's greatest resource

Read on.

Denzel Washington and Brooks Army Medical Center
Don't know whether you heard about this but Denzel Washington and his family visited the troops at Brook Army Medical Center, in San Antonio, Texas (BAMC) the other day. This is where soldiers who have been evacuated from Germany come to be hospitalized in the United States, especially burn victims. There are some buildings there called Fisher Houses . The Fisher House is a Hotel where soldiers' families can stay, for little or no charge, while their soldier is staying in the Hospital. BAMC has quite a few of these houses on base, but as you can imagine, they are almost filled most of the time. While Denzel Washington was visiting BAMC, they gave him a tour of one of the Fisher Houses. He asked how much one of them would cost to build. He took his checkbook out and wrote a check for the full amount right there on the spot. The soldiers overseas were amazed to hear this story and want to get the word out to the American public, because it warmed their hearts to hear it. The question I have is why does Alec Baldwin, Madonna, Sean Penn and other Hollywood types make front page news with their anti-everything America trash and Denzel Washington's Patriotism doesn't even make page 3 in the Metro section of any newspaper except the local newspaper in San Antonio.



A true American and friend to all in uniform!

GOD BLESS YOU DENZEL FOR YOUR PATRIOTISM

I'm Sure This Happens All The Time

Man Gets Apology From Police As They Return His Marijuana

DENVER -- A man who was stopped by Denver police and had his marijuana confiscated received an apology recently because that man was allowed to smoke the pot for medicinal purposes.Thomas Lawrence is among the first to take advantage of Colorado's law that allows marijuana to be used like a prescription drug.
Lawrence, who has chronic back pain and rheumatoid arthritis, got his marijuana back along with an apology from police.
"It's more of a victory for the people who actually voted for it, and the rest of the patients to know that the law actually worked. They don't have to be as concerned about what's going to happen if a cop pulls them over. Tell them you're a patient, show them your ID, show them your permit," said Lawrence.
His case was a first for Denver officers.
"This is the first time that drugs have been released to anyone" by the Denver Police Department, Detective Teresa Garcia said last week.
Because marijuana possession is illegal, except in this case, officers suggest medical marijuana users keep their permit with them at all times.

Freebies And A Short Rant

Today I'm leaning toward automotive freebies.
I'll try and make up for the highway robbery they call gasoline.
Don't even get me started on gas. I don't use profanity on this site. I save it for the oil companies. I don't own anything that gets double digit mileage, except my Harley. My truck gets 9, my car 5, my boat 2 and my PWC 8. But they are fast. And I like fast. My pickup blows the doors off of Corvettes. You should see the look on their faces.

Armor All

Castrol GTX Oil Change Rag, Legends In Motion Window Cling and
$5 rebate.
One oil company made $10 billion plus in profit this quarter and all I got was a lousy oil change rag. Wow, do you think they can afford it? Do you sense a hostility toward oil companies? Bastards.
Incidently, I have a story coming up on a new external combustion engine called the Cyclone. Yes, external combustion. It is completely silent when running, it produces three times the horsepower of an equally sized internal combustion engine, it has no exhaust emmisions, no smell at all and (get ready to be amazed) it runs on water. Yes, water. And the water is in a closed circuit. It uses the same deionized water over and over. You never stop at a gas station. Unless you want to give them the finger. This guy better hurry and get it on the market before the oil companies have him killed.
Remember that name, Cyclone.
Oh yeah, back to the freebies.

Jeep Rewards

Kenworth

Dri-Wash 'n Guard

Tide

My First For Women


Australian Freebies

Canadian Freebies - Updated today

UK Freebies - Updated today

Irene Has A Story For Us

Little Margaret
Usually she slept through the class.
One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me, Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Margaret.
The Nun said, "Very good" and Margaret fell back asleep.
A while later the Nun asked Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"
But, Margaret didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Margaret.
The Nun said again, "Very Good" and Margaret fell back asleep.
Then the Nun asked Margaret a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Margaret jumped up and shouted,"If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

Colleen's Living Will

Colleen sent me a copy of her living will.
I'm going to have mine drawn up based on hers. Here it is.

My Living Will

I, Colleen Bigfreakinlastname, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of stupid politicians who could not pass ninth-grade biology class if their lives depended on it, nor in the hands of lawyers and/or doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:
Margarita,
Beer,
Coffee,
Steak,
Lobster or crab legs,
The remote control,
Bowl of ice cream,
Chocolate,
or Sex (especially Sex!)
..it should be presumed that I won't EVER get better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day. At this point, it is time to ask all of my friends to raise their glasses and toast the good times we have had.

Signature: ___________________________Date: ___________________________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors. I personally think a Pub & Smoking Room should be mandatory for all Nursing Homes in the United States.


Amen Colleen, amen.

The Italian Beauty Contest

Sweet sent this to me. Thanks, I think. I'm crossing this one off my To-Do list.

There is are no words that can cover this subject.
I thought peg leg might have an interest.
Just kidding!! hugs and kisses to all
Sweet

Italian Beauty Contest.

A Warning From Corrine

Corrine has brought this news item to my attention. I researched it myself and it is true.

Thanks Corrine, for watching out for us.

And the rest of you, who loves ya?

NBC Dateline did a documentary on cut-up lettuce and spinach packaged in plastic bags. They took us through the whole process and talked about how the E coli bacteria is now showing up in the salad mix in bags. They don't know yet how the E coli got in, but they do know that deaths and serious sicknesses are occurring in many states.
One woman told about how her child was near death from the lettuce and was sick for a long time. They warned us not to buy any bag salads until they find out from the investigation what is causing this contamination. The Dole Company has recalled their bags.


Here is what Snopes says. Snopes is my bible when it comes to online investigation.

In May 2006, the warning quoted above began appearing in inboxes. It is a mixture of two items: an October 2005 warning from the Food and Drug Administration about E. coli found in prepackaged salads vended by Dole in the Minnesota area, and a 30 April 2006 NBC Dateline segment about that October 2005 outbreak and the potential for additional contaminations of similar nature. Though thrown together from two sources, the e-mailed alert is accurate: E. coli was found in bagged salad mix in October 2005, and the FDA did issue a nationwide consumer alert about it. Dole Food Company recalled the implicated salad products, but even so 23 people who had eaten the contaminated greens became ill, with eight having to be hospitalized and one child developing a severe complication called hemolytic-uremic syndrome (in which red blood cells are destroyed and kidneys fail).

And, of course, the links to this information.

Dateline.

Snopes.

I've always said, "Let's be careful out there", but I never knew I was also referring to bagged lettuce.

Deck Of Cards

Corrine has genuinely touched me with this one. This is now one of my best posts.

Thank you, Corrine.


It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.
Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?"
The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord."
The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."
The soldier said, "No, sir. You see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards."
The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"
"You see the Ace, Sergeant? It reminds me that there is only one God.
The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.
The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
The Five is for the five virgins there were ten but only five of them were glorified.
The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.
The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.
The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives -- the eight people God spared from the flood that destroyed the Earth.
The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten, but nine never thanked Him.
The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.
The Jack is a reminder of Satan, one of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.
The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.
The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.
When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.
There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week - 52 weeks in a year.
The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.
Each suit has thirteen cards -- there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter. So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."
The sergeant just stood there. After a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"

Please let this be a reminder and take time to pray for all of our soldiers who are being sent away, putting their lives on the line fighting.

Prayer for the Military.

Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands.
Protect them.
Bless them and their families.
I ask this in the name of Jesus, our Lord and Savior.
Amen.

When you read this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our servicemen and women all around the world. There is nothing attached, but this can be very powerful. Of all the gifts you could give a Soldier, prayer is the very best one.


UPDATE: A reader has given me the source of this story. I always like to credit the author whenever possible. Thanks, JohnD.

JohnD said...

Tramp, Just for information, the "Deck of Cards" was originally a song performed by T Texas Tyler in the 50s/60s. According to him, it was a true story of when he was an Army private in WWII. He was stationed overseas. For Sunday Services, the Chaplan did not have enough Bibles for the troops so they had to bring their own. He didn't have one, hence the Deck of Cards.

The Birthday Calculator

Corrine has a very clever app for you.

Here she is to introduce it.


JUST WHAT I NEEDED BEFORE I TURN 50 SUNDAY

This is pretty neat...click on the highlighted birthday calculator below...

It tells you how many hours and seconds you have been alive on this earth and when you were probably conceived. How cool is that?
After you've finished reading the info, click again, and see what the moon looked like the night you were born.

The Birthday Calculator

The Return Of Irene

This had to be a redneck bar.

"Gator"

A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After awhile, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A woman timidly spoke up.

"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."

This From Corrine

And it's a good one.

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. 'What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me." The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.'

And a footnote from Corrine.

The nation which forgets its defenders will itself be forgotten.

Truer words have never been spoken.

Corrine Picks Up A Comic Signal From Canada

While keeping an eye on that troublemaker Canada, Corrine found this.

Canadian TV Comic tribute to Bill Clinton
It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV.

There was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton. "Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President.

Number 1 - He played the sax.
Number 2 - He smoked weed.
Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now look at him... his wife works, and he don't, yet he gets a check from the government every month.

Mystery Woman

I met this woman the other night while I was out shopping. We just started talking. She was intelligent, funny, interesting and one sweet looking babe. She was very easy to talk to and easy on the eyes while talking. I never did get her name and I'll probably never see her again. But I am a married man. She was just so easy to talk to, like you had known each other your entire lives. She is going to make some man very happy. She struck me as a rare personality. And she glowed with happiness.

Since I don't know her real name, I'm going to call her The Special One. I have a feeling that she knows I'm talking about her.

True Facts

It is nearly three miles farther to fly from Amarillo, Texas to Louisville, Kentucky than it is to return from Louisville to Amarillo.
The "nine lives" attributed to cats is probably due to their having nine primary whiskers.
The original inspiration for Barbie dolls comes from dolls developed by German propagandists in the late 1930s to impress young girls with the ideal notions of Aryan features. The proportions for Barbie were actually based on those of Eva Braun.
The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry.
The Mongolian pony is the only animal other than an elephant capable of fending off an attack by a healthy adult tiger.
Because of their unusual shape, Hershey's Kisses contain more calories per ounce than the same amount of chocolate in other forms.
The French language has seventeen different words for "surrender."
The average person can fit exactly one half of their pinky finger in one of their nostrils. However, if an attempt is made to put a pinky finger in EACH nostril, only one quarter of each will fit.
Showing off at a party one evening, Chopin played the entire "Minute Waltz" in under 10 seconds.
If the air in your car's tires is not completely replaced every two years, it can turn to liquid and cause severe damage.
If you tar and feather a 2x4 and place it in your yard, it will ward off bats.
The largest home in the United States, North Carolina's Biltmore House, was originally intended to be the official residence of a new monarchy to be established when the South rose again.
The Toltec calendar was based on a 360-day year, with each day being about 24 hours and 20 minutes long.
The universal size of the credit card is based entirely on the size of the 1960s US Communist Party membership card. Credit cards were designed so that they wouldn't cause the Communist Party card to stand out.
Nobody born in Kentucky has ever been elected to Congress.

Caption Contest

Sweet sent me this photo that seems to beg for a caption. Put your best one in the comments for future publication. Here is mine.

Even at this tender age, Johnny's parents knew he was destined to be a proctologist.

And the latest captions.

Hey bro, I am just seeing where the ants are going.

Mom's wrong. I don't see your head up there.

There's writing here. It says, "Exit Only".

Great proctologist, he is very resourceful – he always uses all of his fingers.

Tootsie Rolls? I thought all the Halloween Candy was GONE!!!

I'm always willing to give a hand, butt, this is going too far...

Damn, I could've swore I stashed 4 quarters here yesterday.

Richard Gere and Gerbil Boy, circa 1959.

Now There's A Big Guy

Corrine found herself a big old gator. And I mean big!

Date: Sun, 21 May 2006

This alligator was found between Athens and Palestine, Texas near a house.

Game wardens were forced to shoot the alligator - guess he wouldn't cooperate...

Anita and Charlie Rogers could hear the bellowing in the night.
Their neighbors had been telling them that they had seen a mammoth alligator in the waterway that runs behind their house, but they dismissed the stories as exaggerations.

"I didn't believe it," Charles Rogers said.

Friday they realized the stories were, if anything, understated!

Texas Parks and Wildlife game wardens had to shoot the beast, Joe Goff, 6'5" tall, a game warden with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, walks past a 23-foot, 1-inch alligator that he shot and killed in their back yard.

So Corrine Was Talking To General Patton The Other Day

This is pretty good. And pretty accurate.

A Message from the Ghost of General Patton....

ATTENTION!

OK, you whining, panty-waisted, pathetic Maggots, it's time for a little refresher course on exactly why we Americans occasionally have to fight wars.

See if you can tear yourself away from your "reality" TV and Starbucks for a minute, pull your head out of your ASS -- and LISTEN UP!!

THIS is not "torture" or an "atrocity." This is the kind of thing frat boys, sorority girls, and academy cadets do to newcomers.




Not nice but not an atrocity .....Certainly no reason to wring your hands or get your panties in a wad. THIS IS! an atrocity!





So Was This!!!




So Was This!!!

So Was This!!!

So Was This!!!

Islam, a peaceful religion??? Millions of these sons-of-bitches are plotting as we speak to destroy our country and our way of life any way they can. Some of them are here among us now. They don't want to convert you and don't want to rule you. You are a vile infestation of Allah's paradise. They don't give a shit how "progressive" you are, how peace-loving you are, or how much you sympathize with their cause. They want you DEAD, and think it is God's will for them to do it! Some think if we give them a hug or listen to them then they'll like us. And, if you agree, then you are a dumb ass! If they manage to get their hands on a nuke, chemical agents, or even some anthrax -- you will wish to God we had hunted them down and killed THEM while we had the chance. Stop bitchin' about your Health Care, Social Security, Gas Prices, and your measly 5.25% Unemployment Rate...and start worrying about you, your family's , and your friends' lives. How many more Americans must be beheaded --before you grow some balls for a change? You've fallen asleep AGAIN! And, you may not get another chance!

NOW GET OFF YOUR SORRY ASS-

and pass this on to any and every person you give-a-damn about... if you ever gave a damn about anything.

DISMISSED!!